Such sweet sorrow

On the 11th of May, I will have been bumping around the countryside in old trucks for thirteen years. On the 15th of May, I will be hanging up my steelcap boots for the last time & turning in my trusty old hi vis vest. Yep, the old Flatster has finally taken the plunge & resigned. This will enable me to stay home & spend time with & care for Herself. The last 13 years have been quite a ride. Its worked out well though.

Essentially, I am doing the same run that I started on all those years ago. the guy thats doing it now is having 2 weeks holiday. I therefore have the opportunity to bid farewell to good people that I have known for a substantial portion of that time. Its not an easy thing to do either. A lot of them have become genuine friends over the years. I think if I miss one thing, it will be frantically searching for a new yarn or joke to tell around the depots as I go. You see, my personal policy has long been to leave people with a smile & feeling a little happier than before. So much so, that I can roll into somewhere & someone will immediately look up & say, "So what's the joke for today ?" It's a nice feeling to be remembered, even after a couple of years as is often the case in this industry. Folk tend to move around in it regularly, but the same old faces tend to keep cropping up when you least expect it.

So its hard saying goodbye to them all. Some are managing directors, who will keep a client waiting while we have a 10 minute yarn in their office. Others are the roughest of diamond that you could wish not to meet, but they all have one thing in common. If they like you, they will go out of their way to help you & they all genuinely care . This is what I am doing then. Seeking out these friends that I have made & telling them that Herself has limited time, & that we are going to spend it together. They all love her too. Although she is very much a lady & always will be, they have seen her over the years being not afraid to get her hands dirty & pitch in & help me when the going got tough. They have also seen someone who is down to earth enough to speak to them & take the time to get to know them.

They are all genuinely upset to learn of her situation. As much for herself as for me. This is wonderful to know, but still, as the great bard said, "parting is such sweet sorrow."

On the barter system

One of the good things about not working is that I now have all sorts of time to do stuff. all sorts of cool stuff. Like collecting mushrooms with a mate. L0ts of mushrooms. 4 buckets full on our last trip to be exact. Quite aside from gorging ourselves on them, ( I do love bacon & mushrooms) We both swap them for other stuff. Pete has a shop & he swaps them for his morning cups of coffee. So far, I have managed a couple of drinks, a pumpkin & a couple of slices of a particularly nice chocolate slice. Todays rain will hopefully bring on a fresh crop. Monday will tell. I'm now casting a speculative eye on a surfeit of silverbeet, parsley & basil in the garden. its all stuff you have to keep picking else it goes to seed. We got more of all 3 than Herself & I can possibly use.

When I paint my masterpiece

I had a really good think about what I was going to do with myself every day when I finished work. I came to the decision that I was going to have to set myself a list of chores to be done & make certain that I accomplish something tangible each day. So far, its not really working out all that terribly well. You see, there is an awful lot of paperwork & interfacing with officialdom in order to sort out our new life. I don't do paperwork or interfacing all that terribly well. I have always left that part of our partnership up to Herself. Over the years, she has had to do some really crappy jobs on my behalf either because I haven't been there, or because I have felt mentally inadequate to cope with things.

It's a hell of a step up, therefore, for me to actually sit down & talk to people that directly affect our future. I am doing it, but its not easy. What is happening at the moment is that the morning is spent interfacing, & the afternoon is spent inter resting. I guess its probably a backlash from the past few months of trying to hold a job down & trying to keep things together at home. I'm not too worried by it. I figure that I must need the rest, so I take it. Once everything is sorted & once I have done the next two weeks for work, then I will have time.

Time to spend with Herself. Time to do the gardening that she is no longer capable of doing. Time to build all the garden edging & mowing strips & fences that she has been promised for the last 5 years or so. Time to sit down & practice with my guitar for half an hour a day. Time to live the life that we dreamed of in retirement. One thing is for sure. Neither of us are going to spend our time grieving for what might have been. We are going to celebrate what is.

As Dylan said, "It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe."

A rough guide

A very thoughtful young lady who helps out part time at a public library recently scored for me a copy of a book entitled, "A Rough Guide to Bob Dylan." that had been withdrawn from circulation. Now that I have a LITTLE more leisure time on my hands, I have started reading it. Now its not as if I don't already have Dylan biography's. I have several. I can even boast to having a copy of a book called "Tarantula" which is a somewhat disjointed collection of what can only be best described as ramblings & potential album notes by the man himself. It's not an easy book to come by.

By far the best & most prized book in my Dylan collection would now have to be this rough guide, & I'm only about a third of the way through it. The author has managed to assemble most of what is known of the myth & the man & put it all in to one place. It's brilliant. thanks H, you have made an old Dylan fan very happy. That was a very thoughtful thing to do..

Woohoo... Flatties Famous....

I have a stats page that tells me who reads my blog & how they get here. Tonight someone from Hong Kong checked in using a link that looked interesting. here it is... Scroll down till you get to the personal blogs & check the entryon the bottom of the list..... YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old Friends, Book Ends

So sang Simon & Garfunkel in a fairly famous song. My day has been a bit like that. It started with a fairly early visit from one of those, " I wonder what ever happened to........" kind of friends. haven't seen or heard from her since her little sisters 60th birthday, when we parted with the usual exhortations of ,"We must keep in touch," etc. And you never do. But she turned up this morning & invited Herself to a morning out, going to a show called "Operantics" herself thoroughly enjoyed it, even though she had to cut it a little short so that we could make a 1.00 pm appointment.

One of the ladies in the office we went to is the little sister of a guy that used to play lead guitar in a band I was in many years ago. She happened to mention that her big brother was in Thames Hospital at the moment, so when we had finished our appointment, I dropped herself off at home & scooted off up to the hospital & spent a very pleasant couple of hours reminiscing & talking music & instruments. When I got home, Herself reminded me that I had forgotten to collect some lovely field mushrooms that our IWWEHT friend had promised us. It was about then that the three Reiki Ladies turned up to give Herself her weekly treatment. These ladies are wonderful. They turn up every week for Herself asking no payment other than the experience for the two girls that are learning. Its nice to know that there are still kind spirited people about like that. We seem, for some reason, to be encountering more than our share of them lately.

I'm not complaining though. Its very comforting to know that we are surrounded by such folk.

Absolutely stunning.

I dont normally inflict stuff on you guys that I have had forwarded, but this is stunning. All these girls are profoundly deaf & rely on hand signals from the 4 corners of the stage. Goes to show what determination can do for you

Lest we forget.

I dont do dawn parades any more. I haven't done them for a lot of years. It's not like I don't care or remember in my own way though. I think my family has given enough to wars over the years. In the First, I lost 2 uncles & my paternal Grandmother lost her sanity on hearing that she lost 2 sons within 3 months of each other.

The second was a little more complicated for us. You see, my Dad met my Mum after he had volunteered to serve his country. They wed before Dad left as a matter of necessity. Not that he didn't try to get out of it. He chopped his trigger finger off with an axe in an endeavour to stay with Mum. It didn't work, he went anyway. The other thing he did was bring Rubella, known in those days as German Measles, home from Trentham Military camp & give it to Mum. In those days, nothing was generally known of the effects of this disease on pregnant women. They found out soon enough.

Having a physically & mentally handicapped daughter affected my mum that badly that it took a further 10 years before she could be persuaded to have another child, me. His experiences in Egypt culminated in him being invalided home in 1943 with amoebic dysentery & chronic dermatitis. Eventually, this proved a good thing for him as many of his comrades were killed or captured in the debacle that was to ensue in Greece & Crete. Dad kept hating Italians & Germans right till his last rational day. Mum never talked at all about her experiences while Dad was away. I can only imagine what it must have been like for her. Scared, pregnant with her new husband away at the war, ostracised I suspect, from her family, as she went to live with one of her brothers.

So I dont go to Dawn services. I just play these two songs a couple of times & shed a few tears in private.

So , let us remember them today, each in our own way.

A New Era

Following a heart to heart chat with my Boss a couple of weeks ago & another one on Monday, I , or rather we, as in Herself & I , have made a huge decision regarding our life style. Basically, I don't work full time any more. We have a couple of irons in the fire with regards to financial independence, but nothing is finalised at this point. Those of you who know me well enough will understand that this is a huge leap of faith for me. As a card carrying Virgo, I like to have things fairly cut & dried. I don't think that this has worked too well for me over the years, because every time I get my self all comfortable & think I know where my life is going, somebody kicks my little warm dung heap helter skelter. Maybe this is lifes way of saying don't sweat the big stuff, because you ain't got a lot of control over it anyway.

I haven't, & in retrospect I am the first to admit it, been giving as much as I could to my job in the last few months. I have resented late nights on the road, which sadly are part & parcel of being a trucky. They take me away from Herself too much. I compensated by dragging her along with me. I'm starting to realise that although she willingly comes, too often is too much for her as she tires a lot easier than she used to. So I'm just on call now, for when it suits to do just the odd run here & there. Its a little bit scary, as I am used to working all my life, but I'm starting to adjust. At the moment, there is a lot of paper work to sort out for our new life. I don't do paperwork well, but I'm starting to learn.

I'm also finding that I have much more energy available for doing the things that are important to Herself. Interfacing with other people, particularly on the phone is a biggy now. Yesterday, I raised our bed by 8 inches. A major undertaking involving 7 new castors, 7 bolts, 84 screws, half a pot of PVA glue, various & sundry bits of wood & half the day.New attitude meant that I kept going till it was finished, rather than doing half a job & setting it aside because I was too tired & just plain couldn't be bothered like I have been doing. Today, so far I have lifted the path through the garden in the back lawn, put two layers of polythene down & relaid it. When I originally laid it, I put it down on el cheapo weed mat from the Ware House. Trust me, its not a great deal of use. We have had all sorts grow through it, including Docks. Hopefully, it will be alright now. Its giving me a lot of satisfaction seeing projects completed. The path is the first step in finishing the concreting in the back yard. Once our finances are settled, I will start buying stuff like builders mix & concrete & finally get the back yard how I want it.

I think my life from now on will be very busy, but at least I will be spending it with my Darling. That above all else is the most important thing to us both now.

The Phantom of the Opera

OK, so I sat through a Dame Malvina Major concert tonight. Yes, & if you twist my arm up a really long way behind my back, I will probably be forced to admit I enjoyed it. dammit all, how could you NOT enjoy listening to someone who is so enthusiastic & passionate about her music. Not only did she sing, she told us the story behind each song & the meaning it has for her personally. Its very difficult not to like someone like that.

She didn't just sing opera either. Her version of "Danny Boy" brought unashamed tears to my cheeks, something that nobody other than Johnny Cash has been able to do with that song. She's a mix & mingler too. She was quite happy to come out after the show & sign autographs, with personal messages & nice things to say to everybody. Herself , of course, spent most of the evening blubbing. Her way of showing that she was really enjoying herself. Wimmen can be such strange critters sometimes... Even if I didn't enjoy the music, it would have been worth sitting through it just for this picture alone.
Thank you Dame Malvina, You truly are a lady. We enjoyed ourselves immensely.

And I never inhaled

I watched my first 3d movie ever last night. Journey to the center of the Earth. The plot was pretty thin, just an excuse really to hang all the cool 3d effects on. I was glad that we didn't have any visitors because we both looked like a pair of dorks sitting there with our cute little pairs of red & green glasses on. Damn but those things screw with your brain. Took me about half an hour for my eyes to settle & refocus.

After that, we watched a movie that Herself chose called "The Bucket List" For those of you that cant be bothered looking it up, it stars Jack Nicholson & Morgan Freeman as a pair of elderly, irascible old men, both terminally ill who meet in Hospital & between them compile what they call the bucket list. Things to do before you kick the bucket. As Nicholson's character is incredibly wealthy, they can go & do these things. Its is, however, a very deep & profound movie especially for a couple in our current situation. It all ended, as I thought it would, with Herself in tears & me not knowing what to say. We have a lot of moments like that lately it would seem. I have developed a policy at such times of simply putting my arms around her & holding her till she stops. Platitudes like, "Don't be scared" "It'll be alright" "There's nothing to cry about" really don't have any value to either of us. It's far more important , I think, at this stage in our lives & relationship, to be honest & open about such matters. Did you know that on the 18th of next month, we will have been married for 18 years, & together for about 5 more than that. Its had its ups & downs, but I wouldn't swap one single day of it for anything.

Tonight, courtesy of Herself's big brother, We are going to see Dame Malvina Majors in concert & hopefully get to meet her afterwards. You see, Herself's big bro manages her & she is doing a whistlestop tour of the smaller centers in NZ. I'm sure that Herself will thoroughly enjoy the evening. Me ? Well, I'm going anyway.

It's Been a Hard Day's night.

But I haven't been working like a dog. In fact I haven't been working at all this week apart from Monday. You see, an old shoulder injury was aggravated by some clown in Whitianga letting go of a fridge that we were unloading supposedly together, leaving me with all the weight. But it worked out OK though, Herself's exhusband's Aunty passed away & Herself wanted to go to the funeral. So we went. The old dear died at the ripe old age age of 96 having led a carefree & self centered life, never marrying or having children, just travelling the world. It was a small funeral with no religious overtones & only a small number of people there. There were actually more people at my sister's funeral, which I suppose says something. The other significant thing that happened was that I met the other significant person in Herself & her family's past. Her ex's second wife. Far from being the dragon the family made her to be, I found her easier to talk to than his current one. Its a strange world at best isn't it ?

Rather than try to fight our way home through the Easter traffic,remember Easter? we elected to stay over at Herself's daughters place. This was a good idea, because both her sons came round for the evening, so it was a nice family gathering for her. While we were there we were introduced to the latest family member, Kobi. He is a 9 week old Shitzu puppy & cute as a button. He is very hard to get a picture of though because he looks like an animated ink blot. Here is the best that I could manage.

You will, I think, have to take my word for it that he really is a cute little tacker, just so damn black that its hard to get a good pic of him. I'm a little worried for him when he finally gets down here though. Misty will be OK with him, but the Ginger Ninjas will probably treat him as an entree.

In the meantime, I have a couple of very important life changing decisions to make. Does anyone have a cup or two of wisdom & hindsight they could spare ? No doubt I will keep you posted on the results.

What is it about dead bathtubs that fascinates a net surfer? My post on the subject is still drawing more hits than any other post that I have written. You're a strange lot really

Will the circle be unbroken

We had a good weekend. We went & stayed with Herself's natural brother & sister in Papakura. Quite aside from getting trashed on Jameson's Whisky on Saturday night, the weekend was all about the end of a long quest. You see, even though we had found her family, we have never had the opportunity for Herself to pay her respects at the grave side.

It was a very moving moment all round. It gave Herself a lot of closure & was a very healing weekend for both of us.

On a lighter note, this is the old Numptydog, Misty, keeping an eye open for CIA agents.

Bloody sad ass huh ?

A long day

1st of the month, extra trucks, double running, yadda yadda yadda. Get the picture ? Herself came for the ride as is her wont on a Wednesday. (Its the one day of the week that she doesn't normally walk) She was tired when we got home (After midnight, & no, we didn't let it all hang out, although parts of me were close to it) The day was worth it though to see the look on Herselfs face while sitting behind the wheel of a brand spanking new Western Star tractor unit on a B train. I got a sit as well. Damn it was nice. Lots of chrome on the exterior, lots of buttoned leather & Walnut veneer, dials & gauges on the interior.

Another weekend done gone

Albeit a short one. We had a meeting at work yesterday that lasted 5 hours. i did begrudge the time a bit because I have been doing night runs for the last two weeks & so missing out on my evenings with Herself, but it was a worthwhile meeting I guess. Today I got a bit done. Did my bit for Global Warming by burning a heap of rubbish. Its a cunning plan; hopefully by heating the air up by burning rubbish, summer might last that little bit longer. If you believe that, then you will also believe that sitting in the dark for an hour is going to help things as well. I'm proud of my efforts. I turned everything in the house on. Felt quite good about it when I saw the pic of Aucklands CBD lit up like a Xmas Tree as well. Seriously though folks, quite aside from most of our electricity being generated from renewable resources, you can all do far more to help by turning off lights when you're not using them, turning off TV's when you aren't watching them. Same with Puters. You would be amazed to know how much energy is used by an appliance on standby.

I mowed the lawns today. That uses a bit more power,(electric mower) & generates a bit more methane,(composting lawn clippings) Stuffed a bit more of the ozone layer, ( aerosol rust penetrator) getting the bolts undone on Morris The Mixer's motor. You see, Morris needs a new drive belt, because his old one is about 20 years past its use by date. Its all a cunning bit of procrastination to put off actually using the damn thing for the purpose that I bought it for, namely doing mowing strips & actually making the back yard look finished.

What else did I do ? Oh yeah, watched Star Trek Generations on TV. that used about 100 litres of water out of one of our hydro lakes I suppose. Will have a spa later too. That should use a bit more power & put a bit of steam into the air.. Damn I'm enjoying this...

Things that rip ya nighty...

Call me a little bit possessive, but I really don't like complete strangers from other trucking companies climbing into the cab of my truck & shifting it when I'm not there. Especially when all they are doing is shifting it 6 foot forward so its nose is right up the butt of the truck in front, then parking their rig close up behind. Its a little like a stranger coming into your house & going through your things. I got myself out of it AND resisted the urge to dump the old girl in reverse & back up hard into the front of his nice shiny new truck. Not that the thought didnt cross my mind you understand....

Beauty & the beast

I sat up & watched King Kong last night. I did see the original many years ago, which was an absolute masterpiece of animation for its time, all shot with models that were moved one frame at a time, absolutely brilliant. Finally, someone with the balls to do a remake has come along. New Zealand's own Peter Jackson, who has done a stunning remake. I had seen it before, but somehow appreciated it all the more second time round. He stayed very faithful to the original story.

Naomi Watts is a very acceptable replacement for Faye Wray. I didn't notice at all the gratuitous cleavage shots, or the erect nipples through the thin filmy dress at all, but the ape sure did. And it was his undoing. How the hell is a gorilla supposed to successfully defend himself on the top of the Empire State Building against biplanes armed with machine guns with that winsome lucious package draping herself artistically all over him ? The end was inevitable really. Very sad, but inevitable. I enjoyed the movie. Nothing like a bit of good honest fantasy to make you forget about things, & not a swear word in the whole 3 hours odd of it. Wonderful.

We decided to go visit Morty et al yesterday. Took the chainsaw, the computer box & lunch down. Lunch was in the form of a heap of bags of deli scrag ends from a neat little wholesale deli that I have found in Auckland. Some compensation I guess for having to be up there at the moment. had a lovely day. Free entertainment provided by a couple of knob end kids on a mini bike who thought they could escape the law by cutting through the back of the Poly Tech by using a walk bridge. Didnt work. The cops took their time & set them up very nicely, suckering them into going back over the bridge & straight into the arms of a loving constable. Naive little bastards.

Its always good to go see Morty & the kids. They always make us feel so special there. Still trying to figure out what subcategory of "special" we come under. We think it has good connotations, but we aint certain. Anyway, for a little bit of work, we came away with a nice load of firewood, an updated puter, a big box of grapes, three yummy squash, a nice fuzzy glow & a partridge in a pear tree. Today was quiet, with just a friend from work coming round to see us. He's a nice guy & has just had a major op on his ear. It was left far too long & nearly became lifethreatening. I wont give you the details, but it had started to get very messy & the infection had nearly got to his brain.

Gonna finally get around to bundling up various assorted pressies for my kids & will get them away tomorrow.

I came, I saw.......

Tonight I exorcised a personal demon. I did a round the depot run with a truck & trailor. Not so very long ago, I would not have had enough confidence in my ability to do it. I even parallel parked it in the middle of a line of trucks, not once, but 3 times. Herself, who came for the ride, was very impressed. It takes a bit to do that with her.

Some time ago,she planted some grotty old spuds that had been overlooked in the pantry for a while & sprouted. Cynic that I am, I scoffed. We harvested them on the weekend. I had forgotten how satisfying it is to eat potatoes that you have grown yourself, specially when they are accompanied with silver beet & garnished with parsley that you have grown yourself as well. Its very nice & very back to nature.

Strange, but true

There is a facility on the web called Stat Counter. Thanks to Morty, my blog is on there. The page tells me who has been reading my blog & how they got there. Its interesting to see the different countries that come up. Its also interesting to see the search subjects on Google that lead surfers to my site. For some of you, shame on you. As my number of posts increase, so proportionally do the number of viewings on my site via Google. What I find really strange is the number of hits generated by one particular post. You'll never guess which one. Surprised me. Try 101 uses for a dead bathtub. Strange but true.

It's the weekend again.

Fairly self evident I thought really. I mean you work five days, have two days off. Generally, as you do, I spent some time yesterday idly wondering what to do with it. Fishing I thought would be nice. The tides looked good for a launch at a respectable hour at Te Puru. I should have known better. 5 minutes later, it started to rain. That should have told me something, but I even went as far as to see if any of my workmates were interested. That clinched it. There is now a wind warning for the gulf.

I actually slept in this morning til 7.30. Herself slept til 9.30. A friend came round last night with a nice lot of field mushrooms. I did some last night with a cream & garlic reduction to go with a nice bit of steak. Herself can manage mushies OK, so we had the balance with bacon this morning. She got the bacon taste OK, but couldn't manage the bacon. I find it very touching that although there are a lot of things that she now can't eat, she doesn't expect me to forgo them as well & there are always little surprises in the groceries for me that she cant eat any more, but, bless her, she soldiers on uncomplaining.

We had a lazy morning, finally looking at the clock & realising that we only had 15 minutes to get to the library. When we got home I actually heard her admit for the first time in a while that she was tired. Even so, she was going to do the washing & a few other jobs before having a nap. I'll get it all out of the way when I finish here. Somehow, priorities have changed a bit with things like that. One thing I do miss is our daily soak in the spa together. My poor old bones need the warmth, but its not the same without her there & I must say I feel somewhat guilty being there on my own. I think that I will email the Neuro Nurse at Waikato to see when she can go back in.

I think that if the weather comes right that I will have a go at the back yard. The roses need pruning, the garden path needs weeding & the lawn needs mowing. So much fun to be had, I scarcely know where to start.

RANT TIME

I read this morning on the Herald web site that the police have bought 12 new 8 seat Toyota Previas to be used as camera vans. They are a bit coy as to how much they paid for them, but they cost dealers $62500 each. I guess they can affod them though, as camera vans have bought in revenue of a good bit of 50 million dollars a year. Apparently the lowly Mitsubishi L300 isn't good enough any more. I have very decided views on speed camera's. As a deterrent, they are bullshit. Everyone gets warned off by flashing headlights, slow down while they go past then crank it up again. If they are really serious about reducing overall speed & the corresponding road toll, they should be putting more mufti cars on the road. As a professional driver, I find the thought that the next car on the road could be an unmarked Police car with a radar that can read the speed of oncoming traffic far more daunting than the odd van parked up on the side in the same place all day with some old codger sitting in a lazyboy in the back reading a book. God knows there are enough Muppets on the road. I see any amount of them most days. Irresponsible passing, dangerous driving, you name it. Lets target these clowns instead of the poor bastard that just happens to stray 10 or so K's over the limit. End rant.

A Unique Week

Albeit fairly long & traumatic. I won't rehash, if you've been reading, you will know what has been happening. The weekend has been really good though. Herself's natural brother & sister had arranged to come down & stay with us overnight. I must admit that I had misgivings, as i wondered if it might be a little much for Herself. Even more so, when her daughter phoned to see if it was OK if them & Herself's younger son came down for the day. I couldn't say no could I? It turned into a really fantastic day. Everybody had a ball. Herselfs brother & sister brought heaps of food down, took over the kitchen & made sure that Herself had nothing to do except sit back & enjoy.

They were kind enough to realise that she needed a rest too. They quietly beetled off home about lunchtime, theoretically leaving us the afternoon to recoup. Yeah right !!!!! Herself had good snooze & I spent the afternoon fielding phone calls from dear friends checking in to see how she was. Even a couple of visitors which was nice. Nobody stayed too long, which was even nicer. I didn't really get much of a snooze this afternoon. Normally I feel tired at the end of a weekend, but I must admit to feeling more refreshed for the week than I usually do.

We are both getting used to the concept of having PEGgy in our lives. It does have its advantages for her. She is in a bit of pain still, so is taking regular painkillers. She can't take Paracetomol tablets, so she has been prescribed the liquid. God that stuff is foul! Syrupy texture & sickly sweet. She used to gag & choke badly on it. I don't blame her. I wouldn't drink it ! So now, she just gives it to PEGgy to take. Much better.

History was made too. we were down wandering the mall on Friday, & SHE told ME to slow down. On the subject of walking, she reckons that she is walking as usual tomorrow. I have , unknown to her, talked to D about it & she, like me, is doubtful. She had already decided on a short slow walk. I think that walking is very important for her though, not only for the exercise keeping her lungs clear, but also for the spiritual/mental aspect of it. I have seen the value in that respect from a friend who had cancer, that he maintains he walked it away. I'm not going to comment either way, but he doesn't have cancer any more.

Well, that's about it for us this week. Back to the grind in the morning. Herself is growing more confident in handling PEGgy on her own day by day & any reservations I have about leaving her on her own have pretty much faded into the background. It still seems a little strange to look at, but I guess we will both get used to it eventually. Like we are getting used to everything else I guess.

Competition time

We need a name for Herself's new bit of plumbing. The best that I have come up with so far is "Peggy." Pretty obvious & tame really. if you can do better let me know. First prize is a years worth of blog viewings.. The second prize is....... Well, there really isn't one actually..

Be it ever so humble

There seriously IS no place like home. This I know to be true, because we have spent the last 4 days in the tender care of Waikato Hospital. It's not that we weren't taken care of. We were basically spoiled rotten. mainly, I suspect, because of Herself's unfailing cheerfulness in the face of adversity. We got a major surprise when we arrived. The Neurosurgeon obviously decided that herself was fit enough to cope with a PEG op instead of the RIG. if you are interested in the difference, look it up. Wkipedia has heaps on the subject. The most important thing is that although the PEG op is more bodily invasive, its all done & dusted in 15 minutes as opposed to 45 for a RIG & is done under a light general instead of a local.

The time that I spent standing in the staging area for theatre waiting for her to come out was probably the longest & loneliest time that I have spent for longer than I care to remember, but she came through with flying colours. Groggy , but good. The vomiting blood bit was impressive. Scary but expected I guess. After all, the surgeon had just done an Aliens remake on her tum. From there on, it was really improvement all the way. Lots of sleep & top line care. If she hadn't had a little congestion on her lungs, we could have come home yesterday. In retrospect, its probably as well that we stayed, for both of us. It's been wonderful for me to have the break & pass her care over to someone else for a small time. Its not that I dont gladly do it, as I know that she would gladly do it for me, its just nice to relax & not have to make the decisions. The driver for my firm that lives in Hamilton showed up on Wednesday night with a beautiful big bunch of flowers from my bosses & a lovely card that had been signed by all the troops at work. Its nice to know that she is held in such high regard by my workmates. A very touching thing to happen.

Oh by the way. I weighed myself before we left. Guess what ? With 4 days of "Healthy " food , no booze, no butter no salt & no internet, I gained nearly a kilo. I had steak, eggs & chips & a beer for tea tonight wiv bread & butter & salt. Damn, but it tasted good.

A Challenging Day

Strange as it may seem, but more & more I am finding the thought of doing things that stretch my abilities a lot less abhorrent now than I used to. I guess that it comes from having to interface with people a lot more now that Herself can't. I used to leave all the wheeling & dealing up to her & just sort of switch off when I came home, but the realisation that it is going to have to be me doing all this sort of stuff from now on is a challenge. I guess that I will rise to it.

My challenge lately has been that my Boss has given me the early run, (6.00 am start) to Auckland at least twice a week. This involves handling a 550hp 8 wheel Scania & trailor through rush hour motorway traffic & backing & manoevering it once I get to where I load up. 12 months ago, I would have found the prospect terrifying, but I enjoy it now. I had a really bad intro to big trucks. I was given the Volvo on the side of the road by another driver & had never even sat in it let alone driven it. The guy I took over from wasn't really that interested in showing me the finer points, let alone being helpful, so I just had to pick it up on my own, not a good thing to have to do at 5.30 in the afternoon in Auckland.

When I got back to the depot yesterday, I was given the crane truck, which I had just restrung with a new lifting cable, with a load of tiles for Whitianga, & a kitset trailor for someone 8 km up the Whiti side of the Tapu Coroglen road. When I stopped to check my load at the top of Sailors Grave, I saw this...

Its difficult to see, but he only has about 6 inches either side of the gate posts & the house is fairly firmly wedged between trees. Thats the sort of challenge that I dont think I will ever be up for. The guys that drive the house transporters are amazing.

Anyway, I managed to get my load off the deck of the truck with the crane without incident & finished up 8 km up the Tapu road, so the sensible thing was to carry on all the way over to Tapu. I'm glad that I did. It brought back some lovely memories like going through there as side kick to help unload the weekly truck & trailor trip that a company called Parker Wilson Transport used to make to Whitianga. We take more freight through in a day now. Like visiting the old eccentric at the top who had prominent signs up stating, "trespassers will be shot." I was working for a prospecting company that had the rights for a block in behind his place, & permission to cut through his farm would have saved us over an hours walk. We plied him & his sons with huge amounts of alcohol & we all finished up as drunk as lords. It didn't help though. his parting words were, "You're still not fucking well going to set foot on my property." We believed him & took it seriously. The month before, him & his boys had 3 guys from a rival company bailed up in a patch of scrub on his place by shooting over their heads with old army rifles for about 3 hours. They had to stay there until it was dark enough to sneak out.

I've also been lucky enough to see the very rare Hochstetters frog in a side stream up there. I've only ever seen the one, but I consider myself very priveleged to have done so. memories are wonderful things aren't they? They allow you to escape reality for a few precious minutes every once in a while.

News From The Western Front.

We had a visit from the Lightwrite people today. They have loaned Herself a new lighter, far more portable talking machine. She has this to trial & evaluate for a few weeks. If she likes it, then they will apply for funding so that she can have one for the duration. I finished work at lunch time, so that I could get a few things done & still be here when they came. It all worked out fine.

Meanwhile, we have heard from Waikato Hospital. Herself gets her feeding tube done next week. The neuro nurse has arranged for me to stay in the same room as Jude for the duration bless her. My ever tolerant bosses have given me the week off so that I can be with her. This is the latest in a long string of kindness & compassion that they have shown us both since Jude started getting really ill.

The morning sees yet another full load of product down from Mt Wellington, so its another early start. more later I guess.

I haven't written much this week.

That's not to say things haven't been happening, because they have. Its just that I haven't felt a lot like talking about them. Mainly I guess because I have been floating on a bit of a high from last Sunday still. Herself finally came to a harsh reality this week. She made up for tea one of her favourite mince & pasta dishes, & very nice it was too. As we sat down to eat it, she looked at it & said, "I really want to eat this." Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. Three mouthfuls & one Heimlich manoeuvre later, she was sitting there with tears streaming down her face saying,"I'm not normal any more am I ?" Its very hard to retain optimism & objectivity in the face of something like that.

The Boss rang on Friday night, There was two must go deliveries for a new client, one for Waihi & one for Katikati, would we like to do them on Saturday morning ? We did. A couple of extra hours will help clear the bills I guess.

Herself has an assessment with a speech/language therapist & an occupational therapist from a trust called TalkLink on Thursday afternoon. This is to assess her level of disability & to decide how much help they can give her. Meanwhile, we still haven't heard when she is due forinsertion of the feeding tube. Over Friday beers, my boss very kindly suggested that one of these might be a good investment for her.

He had to concede that he found it very hard to see Herself actually agreeing to the concept. Still the idea was there. Hook it up to the feed tube, add an IV regulating clamp, start a syphon going & instant hands free intoxication. I mentioned this to Herself & , much as I expected, got ' "The Look." Somehow, it really wasn't that unexpected.

I finally rearranged the shade sail this morning. The big one is now over the spa pool, so hopefully, we will get a little more privacy & herself won't get so wet from the rain while having a soak. i must admit to finding it ironic that she frets about getting rainwater on her while sitting in a thousand gallons or so of water. Still, if it makes her happy then its not a problem, & she does, as I do, enjoy her soak in the pool at night.

Well, thats about it for this week. Its nearly time for two episodes of Deep Space 9 then a nap. Catch ya later...

I came, I played, I rocked....

I finally did something today that I have been putting off doing for a variety of reasons for a lot of years. Herself & i went down to one of the local watering holes Where they had an open day for muso's. I have been practicing. I played some killer blues & I played them bloody well in front of about 70 odd people. I knew I was doing OK, because most everybody shut up & listened, Which was pretty good seeing as they didn't know 3 out of 4 of my songs. Was a nice feeling to have them singing along to "House of The Rising Sun." It was a buzz having a band behind me that knew what they were doing as well. I didnt really know what I was missing until I had it if you know what I mean. The guy that sings for the band came up & shook my hand after, so I guess I did it good.

Even my harshest critic, Herself, gave me her hand sign that means "OK" when I finished. She wasn't originally going to come, but I put my foot down somewhat & also used a smidgeon of emotional blackmail, so she relented. She admitted afterwards that she was a bit scared of being out of her comfort zone. That made two of us really. She admitted afterwards that she enjoyed it in spite of herself. That made two of us really.

Rockin On

Some time ago, Morty gave me a box full of cassette tapes, (remember those ?) I finally remembered where I put them last night & had a rat through them & hauled out half a dozen or so. You see, this morning I had a dream run to do. Leave the depot at 6.00 am, straight up to Mt Wellington in Auckland to a well known soft drink manufacturer, load 15 pallets of produce & come home. I was back at the depot by 9.30 am. A very proffessional load out too. I was in out & gone in 30 minutes. here's a pic of what a well loaded 8 wheeler looks like.

Note the way that the pallets start out relatively small against the headboard, work up in size so that most of the weight is toward the back axles, then tapers off again so that nothing is going to fall over, (Very important.) Anyway, back to tapes. This truck is an import so comes with the usual crap jap radio. It does however have a good factory installed tape deck. So picture one very happy old hippy trucky rockin on down the highway with a big grumbly diesel V8 under him & Jefferson Airplane, Stevie Ray Vaughn & The Dooby Brothers in the speakers. It doesn't get a lot better workwise really.

I managed to keep my first born

But it was a damn close run thing with a couple of second cousins. Let me explain. I finally managed to get to the doctor for myself today. I needed a couple of scripts filled that go back to when we were changing doctors. They were for meds that I haven't had done from our current provider, so we had to see a doc. I figured that while I was there, I may as well have a whinge about all the rest of the stuff that I had wrong with me. He listened & threw one or two others at me as well. Now I have enough stuff here to start my own pharmacy. Hope it all works. As I told him, we'll start with easy, (redo the scripts) & work our way down to the difficult. (Find a cure for Motor Neurone Disease)

Boobs Bum & Bollocks

We are unfortunate enough to play host to my Mum's dog. His name is Misty, & he is a pedigree idiot. This is him in a typical at rest pose....


Not many dogs have their own eiderdown & black velvet cushions, but he does. This says something about us I guess, but I'll leave it to you to say it. Because of his breeding or lack of, he is also a fairly high maintainance sort of mutt. He has cost us substantially more than he's worth in vet fees. One of his main problems is excema on his back. The heat stuffs him up something chronic. Guess what he's got at the moment ? Yep. A while ago, I was suffering badly from Buzzard's crutch, to the point where walking hurt. I called in at a pharmacy in sheer desperation for something to ease it. They sold me a tube of something called 3B Ointment. Its very good.

In sheer desperation the other night, after he had been bathed & clipped & was still all inflamed & itchy, I had a brainwave & hauled out the old 3B. Worked a treat it did. The inflammation went down in about an hour, & all the red is gone. Was good while it lasted , now the dopey bastard has gone & chewed it red raw again.

BREAKING NEWS........ how about the dopey bastard on who wants to be a millionaire Australian that did a big long walk to raise funds for his church, but didn't know that the third book of the Bible Old Testament is Leviticus..... Even a hardened old sinner like me knows that .

OTHER NEWS...... Took a short day today because the nice little Scottish Lady that is our support person For the Waikato branch of MN Support came for lunch. She has offered all sorts of support which is very heartening. I have been starting to feel a little bit out on a limb lately. See, Herself has always been the one to talk to people & sort awkward stuff out, but thats not real easy for her now, so its up to me a lot more. I dont like doing it, but I havent got a lot of choice these days. Its like everything else I guess. Character building.

Goin' up to the Spirit in the Sky

David Attenborough was taken to task by a Christian group recently. It seems that he never acknowledges the hand of God as being instrumental in creating the various natural wonders that he creates his wonderful programmes about. His reply was that there is a worm in Africa that exists solely to burrow its way into the eye of a child & live there. He can't see the hand of God working there. Frankly, neither can I. There has been a reply to that in a herald column that I read on a regular basis. A rabid God botherer has written in stating that God created the world perfect & it was only man that screwed it all up.

Personally, I have serious problems with the God as portrayed in "The Book of Books," The Bible. I mean figure it out for yourself. One slip up & we were out of the Garden of Eden. he had Abraham on a treat, leading him on to the last minute that he had to offer his son as a human sacrifice. And look what he did to Job ! All to win a bet with the devil. Pretty shabby I think. He nuked Sodom & Gommorah. I mean, c'mon, we all gotta have a bit of fun sometimes. If that wasn't enough, he had to rinse out the test tube & start again, with only Noah & his family & a few bugs & beasts to start again. Think what a genetic nightmare that would have started. Appalachia, eat your heart out. probably where Jehovah Witnesses spring from if the truth be known. OK, there were some good bits too, like the freedom of the Israelites from Egypt, but He had to torment the living daylights outta the Wogs before they let them go. Everywhere the hand of God appears someone inherits a pail of misery. He even let his only son sacrifice his life in manner most dreadful to atone for all our sins, past present & future.

Christians see this as a good thing. I see it more as throwing "our Albert" to a pride of Lions to eat so that the rest of us can sneak on quietly by while they are busy, congratulating both Albert & the Lions. The end result is the same. Albert/Christ has died in a manner most dreadful while God/The Lions are satisfied & leave us alone.

I'm sorry, but I have huge problems with this scenario. Even a mere human parent can find it within themselves, (most times) to forgive a wayward child without demanding one of their siblings offer themselves in a bizarre form of sacrifice. If a mere human can do it, whats wrong with God ? Isn't he supposed to be perfect? Anyone else see the anomaly? I have, as do all of us in some form or another, my own ideas about what happens to us when we bite the big one. I'm not saying that I'm right, I'm just saying that I'm happier believing in a more laid back deity that pretty much lets me do my own thing & find spiritual enlightenment in my own way. I'm not saying that I don't have issues within this. You know as well as I do that I have. Recent events have forced me to not only wake up & smell the coffee, but to have a rather large dose of very bitter & cold old coffee forcibly administered, but I guess thats where the issue of faith enters the picture.

Speaking words of wisdom

I have this friend in Texas who has an uncanny knack of asking me very searching questions that I have to dig very deeply within myself to come up with reasonable answers. This, in part, is a letter that I wrote to her in reply to some of those questions. I thought you might find it interesting.


> When we are young, everything seems to be in much more defined shades of
> black & white. Some sort of faith was a lot easier to maintain because
> we had so little experience with life & it was easy to believe. Its not
> , I don't think, until life kicks us around a little that we start to
> realize that gray & beige are legitimate colors as well. You speak of
> wisdom. I have found out that there is a point where no matter how well
> reasoned your logic & choice of faith is, there is a point where you
> have to let go & step in to the very strong currents of the river of
> life & trust that it will carry you to where you need to be. I think at
> this point that it's still possible to maintain your beliefs, but you
> have to acknowledge that no matter how well defined you think that life
> is, there are still undercurrents that will pull you off your perceived
> course & set you on a new path. I think that this is something that
> happens to us all to a greater or lesser degree, & even though we may
> perceive our burdens as being heavier or lighter than another has to
> carry, they are still burdens none the less & are just as real &
> important to all. Perhaps challenges would be a better way of referring
> to them.
>
> There comes a time in your life when your beliefs are challenged head
> on by events & you start to seriously question your values & can't see
> how this particular challenge slots in with what you believe. This is
> the point where belief becomes faith. If you can progress beyond this
> point, life does get easier. Personally, I think I am right on the cusp
> of this at the moment. I still have issues in who is learning what
> lesson for what reason, but I think I'm getting there.
>
> You say that you wish you had better ways to say things. How you are
> saying them is just fine. We both know that you love us, care for us,
> pray for us & think of us regularly, & that means a lot to both of us. I
> think one of the lessons that I have to learn is that there are some
> things in life that you can't cope with on your own. I'm really having
> to suck in that stiffnecked Gaelic pride , accept help & realise that
> all people want in return is a simple "Thank you" Meantime, its a case
> of spending as much time as I can with Jude & celebrating every day that
> we do have each other & a depth of love that will carry us through this.

Rats & Mice Run

Yesterday, I did what I call the Rats & mice Run. Inevitably, over the week, we end up with a reasonable load of deliveries to slightly out of the way places. At the moment, I am the only one that is spare enough to be spared for this run. I looked at the manifest & got the Boss's permission for Herself to tag along for the ride. The run started with 3 pallets of Coke product for the Supermarket at Pauanui. Its always a pleasure to go there. Audry, who does the unloading, is a Maori lass who doesn't have a lot of experience or confidence driving the forkhoist. She likes me delivering because instead of getting impatient, jumping on the hoist & doing it myself, I let her take her time & pass on to her little tricks of the trade that help her. She likes to see me pull up in the truck.

From there, we went up to Hahei, for one delivery. Hahei is a small holiday resort, with a low local population that only really comes alive over the 6 odd weeks of Xmas. Its similar to Pauanui, except that the visitors to Pauanui are very ostentatious in the display of their wealth. Hahei over Xmas positively screams "money" at you, but you have to look to see it. They are a more discreet breed. Cooks beach, our next stop, is one of my favourite places on the Peninsula. There is only one block of shops, there is a service lane behind them, & everyone has a forklift. And they are happy as well. The other reason I like Cooks beach is that it has an excellent all weather boat ramp that we plan to use when things are a touch more settled to launch our boat from to visit The Mercury Islands.

From there , on to Whitianga, where quite by chance, I met up with one of our other drivers, who had saved for me in his freezer a beautiful feed of Pipi's, & you KNOW how much I enjoy them. I saved deliberately a pallet of food stuffs for an organic produce shop. Jules, who owns it, is a most outgoing & lovely person. She is from Hawaii. Why do American women figure so prominently in my life ? She is very supportive, having cared for someone who had Lou Gehrig's disease, another motor neuron thing, for 13 years, so has done the yards. When she knew that I had bought Herself along for the ride, she raced out, threw her arms around Jude in a huge, all embracing hug, all before I even had a chance to introduce them to each other. We came away feeling heartened.

Next stop was Matarangi, another Auckland suburb wannabe for one delivery. From there it was up over the Whangapoua Hill, just about our own version of Wolf Creek Pass. Herself learned some new words there once when the wipers on the truck ceased to work halfway up in a torrential downpour, but it was all bright & sunny this time. Coromandel saw the delivery of 5 rolls of plastic piping to the local hardware store. Then thanks to the judicious use of a pallet jack & the hydraulic tail lift on the truck, a 300 kg safe to the local school.

Last drop of the day was a sauna, that also need a pallet jack & the tail lift. This involved some 20 odd kilometers of sheer misery laughingly known locally as a "road," going to a place called Tuateawa. Let me explain. Its a metal road that not a lot of folk use. If you are lucky, its about 1 & a bit lanes wide, & passing an on coming vehicle especially in a 6 wheel truck, is something that takes a bit of planning, skillful driving & a big bucket of luck. Some of the corners are that tight that you can feel the rear dual sliding off in the washouts & its only momentum that keeps you going. But we got there & delivered the sauna. Then the fun started. Let me just say this. Double slopes, 6 wheel trucks & letter boxes aren't good friends. Did you know that you can dig out a letterbox, let a completely stranded truck out that has been blocking a road for half an hour & put it back in its hole so it doesn't look as though it has been moved ? take it from me, you can. If we had been in Sherman it would have been a beautiful drive, with stunning views. It took 3 cans of beer to wash the dust out internally when we got home finally at 8.30 pm.

All in all, we crossed the Peninsula 4 times & delivered a shitload of freight. herself was quite worn out by the time we got home. I wasn't. I was exhausted. My shoulders are still aching from the driving, but we had a good time. Its always good spending quality time with each other.

Doctor, doctor, give me the news

Well, there was an awful lot of it today. We had our appointment at Waikato Hospital With the Neurology nurse, who is a very switched on lady who probably knows more about what makes a brain tick than most doctors. Just by sheer chance, the Speech & language Therapist rang this morning to check on Herself & when she heard that we were coming over, she asked if we minded if she sat in for a while. Ok with us we said, so she did. So at one point, we had her, the Neuro nurse & the Neurologist with us.

The MRI didn't show any abnormalities except the usual deterioration commensurate with her age. We talked at great length about PEGing, being shown the actual hardware used. Herself is going to undergo a procedure known as a RIB, or a RIG, not sure which. Basically they are going to inflate her stomach with a naso gastric tube & do the op from the outside with the help of live Xrays. This is going to be done some time in the next two months. Everything was well explained with the followup care etc. Now, I just have to stop being scared for her. For both of us really I think. Its a simple procedure with easy after care & support from the district nurse, but still.....

How I learned to stop worrying & love the bomb...

Well, it was close. I wouldn't have been at all surprised to see Peter Sellars come in seated in a wheelchair sporting a German accent. You see, herself had her MRI yesterday. Scared shitless doesn't really cover how she was feeling. She didn't even eat lunch which was very naughty of her. When we got there, she asked the nurse if I could come in with her. To my surprise, the answer was ' "Yes." but first I had to divest myself of anything remotely magnetic. This is what an MRI machine looks like...

This is pretty much the exact same machine as they used, but thats not Herself. She did have the same cool little leg rest though. The round thing at the back is a sort of a Star Wars helmet that they stuff your head into along with some earmuffs & some packing so that you don't/can't move your head. I got a pair of earmuffs too. Damn, but that thing is loud. It has a great repertoire of sounds too. Acid rap music, sex starved robot & a rooster with stomach ache. It was all that loud that I could feel it through the trolley. I couldn't hold her hand, but i was allowed to stroke her leg. It all took about 20 minutes & then we came home totally in awe of modern science. We won't know the results till Thursday when we have a visit to the neurologist at Waikato again. We know there is only an 8% chance that its other than what they have told us it is. This is all in the nature of crossing the T's & dotting the i's I think.

It's been bloody hot here today. It's still hot. Herself is currently outside doing her bit to combat global warming by watering the garden. That should cool our little patch down. I did my bit towards the Greenhouse effect earlier. I mowed the lawn & put the clippings in the compost bin. Surely that counts towards something ? Reducing my carbon foot print ? The mower IS an electric one.. Peace love & brother hood..

Monday Monday

Can't trust that day... So sang the incomparable Mama Cass. I know what she means now. Mondays always seem to be my worst day of the week these days. Especially when I have a "time out" weekend. I need them, probably about every second weekend at the moment. You know the sort of weekend I mean. laze around doing absolutely nothing except read, have good nights sleep & go back to work relaxed & refreshed..... NOT. Sleeping in the afternoon for some reason doesn't seem to be an option at the moment. Either a fly, or a dog barking, or a lawn mower , or the phone, you know how it goes. At least during the week, I come home tired & can actually sleep for most of the night.

Some nights, I wake up about 4.00 AM & find it hard to get to sleep. Those nights I call my "cat nights" because quite often the only thing that gets me back to sleep is a pussycat snuggled up next to me to stroke, while feeling her purring rattling into my chest. Tiggerpuss seems to have developed a 6th. sense as to when she is needed. You can just about put money on it that just when I'm thinking that its time to go find a cat, she jumps up on the bed. marches up to the pillow for a chat, then snuggles down purring. Just what the doctor ordered. I've got a ways to go yet, but I am getting there. Its not like I have any options really. Its all about finding a way to cope.

I did my usual bulk delivery run to Whangamata today. On the way down the East side of the Kopu Hikuai, the road evens out & the bush becomes stunted & scrubby. As I came round one particular corner what did I see but two small baby wild piglets frollicking in the morning sun. They saw me, jumped in the air, spun round & headed flat out for the scrub. All a big game. Later on that day, I did a delivery to a Mr Flower who grows Chrysanthemums. Very difficult to maintain a straight face under the circumstances.

Happy Birthday Anna Jayne

Well my precious darling, you've made it to the grand age of one year old. How time flies. We love you dearly. May your whole life be filled with joy & happiness...

Hello, my name is Numpty, & I'm a first time caller.....

I did an evening run to Auckland tonight & took Herself which was great. The only thing was, she wanted to listen to the radio. The truck we too was an import & the radio hasn't been converted to N.Z. frequencies. The only station we could get on either the AM or FM bands that wasn't playing rap, or broadcasting in some incomprehensible Asian or Pacific language was ZB talkback. My God, there's some really sadass people out there is all I can say....

About Alice

I think I fell down the Rabbit Hole yesterday. I'm almost certain that somebody slipped me a slice of the caterpillars mushroom as well.

You see, Herself had an appointment with the Doc at the Hospital in Thames yesterday. Clinical Outpatients have moved. They are now in the new block that has been recently completed & neither of us know our way round. We kept getting told to go to different places & talk to different people. The Surgeon that we see there is short, rotund, wears spectacles & has a reputation for eccentricity that is well known. Add to that, confusion & a certain amount of nose out of jointedness to complete the picture when we informed him that we had seen a Neurosurgeon at Waikato & had cancelled the appointment with the semi retired neuro that drops in to Thames on his way up to his holiday home & sees patients when he feels like it. This had the effect of compulsive spectacle twiddling & the raising of his top lip rather like horse. You get the picture ?

Anyway, we broached the subject of PEGging with him. I think that in a fit of sour grapes, he decided that he didn't know anything about the subject, ask your new neuro, see you in 3 months, THIS is the door out. Here's a neat picture of the 3 of us having a really groovy time in the consulting room.
Anyway, I went to Whangamata this morning & saw this come in & park in the parking area where I was unloading & I just HAD to take a photo of it

Aint she lovely? Its a '57 Corvette & its mint & its in pristine stock standard condition. Daddys baby for sure. The guy that owns it is very proud of it & more than happy for me to take a pic of it.

I'm sorry, but I can only finish with this clip. 1, because it's relevant, & 2, Grace Slick rocks..



Its from Woodstock if you didn't already guess..

I suppose I should say happy New Year

On reflection, Herself & I have had a fairly tough year one way & another. If you have been following my blog you will understand. The latest bombshell was that the occupational Therapist visited herself last Wednesday & told her that they are thinking about fitting a PEG (Look it up) next month. Ultimately, its her decision to have it or not, because it is, after all, her body. To say we are getting mixed reactions to the concept would be an understatement. Having read up on the subject, I must admit that I am not entirely happy with the thought of her having it so early. It requires constant maintainance, is prone to infection & the body does ultimately reject it.

There is also the psychological aspect as well. I have been concerned for a while now with her eating habits & her state of mind for a while now. Weekend events brought it to a head & after our visitors left we sat down & had a talk about things, namely that she needs to eat a lot smarter than she has been lately. You see lately, eating has become that much of a chore for her that she has been living mostly on yoghurts (good) & sandwiches, with fillings like jam or peanut butter (not good) She has conceded that she needs to (& can) eat far more nutritive food even if she has to put her veges in a blender to be able to eat them. Fish & chicken are good as well.

We had a great three days with Ally & the kids here for New Years Eve. It was a shame that I was so damn tired that I couldn't see the New Year in, but like I said, its been a tough year. I did manage to get the boys out fishing on New Years Day though. I wasn't all that optimistic, as traditionally, there is few snapper in the Firth at this time of year, but surprisingly, we did alright, bringing home enough for us all for tea & enough for Ally to take home as well. It was great to just forget about lifes worries for a while.

Well, thats the festive season done with. The next long weekend is at the end of the month with Anniversary Weekend. So, another year starts. I wonder what it will bring.

The Quatermass Experiment

I watched it tonight. If you look up the interweb thingy, you will see that the movie version gets fairly mixed reviews. Bearing in mind that it was adapted from a radio series of the same name, I thought they did very well. Obviously, if you are going to put a radio series into movie form, then you should expect a little more than usual dialogue in it. I enjoyed it. They managed to build the tension for the finale very nicely. It was interesting though to see David Tennant playing a doctor that wasn't THE Doctor. Even more interesting to see him enjoying a very un PC cigarette. Somehow though, his Scottish accent seemed a little contrived even though he was born in Scotland..

Well Happy Ho Ho's Everyone

Well, another year is grinding its inexorable way to a shuddering heaving close. Its been a difficult one to say the least of it, but at least we have closure on one issue. We now know what is wrong with Herself. We had our day with the Neurologist on Monday & a very nice chap he was too. He actually asked us if we really wanted his verdict just before Xmas. I did stop short of mentioning Bears taking dumps in afforested areas when I said of course we do. The bottom line is that herself has a motor neuron condition called Pseudo Bulbar Palsy. A very fancy way of saying that she has 3 to 4 years left to live.

The only redeeming factors are that it isn't hereditary, & that she isn't going to develop any new symptoms but the ones she already has. Those will kill her of course. Respiratory failure due to a lung infection or pneumonia most likely. Anyway, we are off to her daughters place tomorrow at sparrow fart or earlier in the morning to enjoy a wonderful family Xmas.



This is me playing Santa at our work Xmas do on Saturday. Merry Xmas to you all. Thank you for taking the time to read this stuff for another year. have a good one.

It don't come easy.

I've just had Herself come to me in tears. If you follow my blog, you will know that tomorrow is the big day for us. We finally get to see, after all this time, a neurologist, who is hopefully going to be a bit more definitive in what ails her. She came to me, I think, for reassurance as much as anything. We are both very tired, & very scared. I personally feel somewhat helpless, as I would dearly love to just wrap her up & tell her its all gonna be alright. I could say the words, but I couldn't say them with any conviction, because I don't know that. I wouldn't lie to her now. I never have yet, so I don't see why I should start now.

Herself's brother came down today to do the Xmas thing. It was nice to see him, but a little awkward for him I think. He didn't know the words to say either I don't think. I'm going to bed now, perchance to sleep, as the Bard said. I don't want to dream, I just want a few hours oblivion.

Jingle Bells

We had our work Xmas social today. Normally, it happens at our depot, an impersonal place at best with dirty concrete floors, trucks, fork hoists, assorted empty pallets & various assorted bits of freight that we somehow haven't managed to get out the door. It also usually happens on Xmas Eve & is a fairly protracted affair that doesn't end until the last of our Auckland trucks come straggling in, although I must admit that it will be sooner, rather than the way later that it has been for the last month. It's been a logistic nightmare getting all the freight down every night, & the boss & all the boys that do those runs have done well, sometimes not finishing till 2.00 in the morning. At least now, they don't have to unload their rigs like we used to. Now we have a 3 man night shift at the depot that does all that & our depot now functions 24 hours a day. We've come a long way.

So this year, our boss decided to hold the function at his home & hold it on a Saturday, which gives everyone a chance to be there & socialise in a very nice environment. The kids are very important too. At this time of year, they don't see their Dads as much as they would like, so todays do featured a bouncy castle, which was an instant hit, even though the boys tried their hardest to tip it on its side at one point, & a visit from Santa, with presents & sweets for all. Santa arrives ensconced in state on the back of the bosses toy, a wonderfully restored Ford Bonus pickup truck, painted white. Santa's arrival is my high point of the day. You see, for the last 3 years, since he started doing it in fact, I have played Santa. It's something I really enjoy doing & if I may say so, I do it well. Kids can be a tough audience & with something like Santa, you have to do it right or not at all, so I give it heaps & they love it.

My highlight of that, was when this drop dead gorgeous little 3 year old girl with beautiful straw blonde hair came up. I couldnt resist it & said to her, "Is it true that blondes have more fun?" Without any hesitation she replied, "Yeth!" Ohhh boy, is she gonna be a handful when she gets a bit older. Her dad is one of my special mates at work & quite often drops round for a chat on the weekend. Her mum is lovely as well. They moved down here from South Auckland 2 years ago & just love it. She earned a special place in my heart today by sitting next to Herself, listening carefully to what she had to say, looking to me for clarification if she couldn't understand & replying to her in a QUIET voice. Its all about dignity you see.

Meanwhile. Herselfs brother phoned. He is back from Japan & will be in Canada for Xmas.. The busy life of an Airline Pilot. He is going to come down to see us tomorrow afternoon. Also meanwhile, the count down is on for Mondays appointment with Neurology at Waikato. Its scary stuff.

Dignity

Is a particularly insightful Dylan track. I was listening closely to the lyrics & a couple of the verses really hit home. One in particular....


Sick man lookin' for the doctor's cure
Lookin' at his hands for the lines that were
And into every masterpiece of literature
for dignity

You see, Herself is concerned to the point of tears about losing her dignity. We talked about it last night. I told her that dignity is an inner thing & she will always carry that no matter what. In this festive season, we are socialising a bit more than usual, in circles that we don't normally move in. I have noticed, I may be overly sensitive on this, but it seems to me that folk that don't actually know Herself & what ails her, seem to think that because she has difficulty speaking that she is also deaf & possibly mentally impaired as well.

I have possibly become somewhat of a bore, as I have espoused the cause of Motor Neuron diseases & their consequences. This is probably because I didn't know much about any of them & I don't think a lot of people do. I wish I still didn't, but I do now.

We had a lovely weekend last weekend in the company of Jude's natural family, which was wonderful. Lovely people who take both of us as we are & we really enjoy their company. A nice break from the worries of life. Finally, thanks to our Doctors persistent phone calls & constant badgering, Herself finally has been given an appointment at Neurology in Waikato. Hopefully, this will lead to an MRI on the day, who knows.


So many roads, so much at stake
So many dead ends, I'm at the edge of the lake
Sometimes I wonder what it's gonna take
To find dignity

Theres Gold in That Thar Hill.

I kid you not. This is a picture of the pay dirt heap at the Waihi Gold mine. The spoil from the mine is carried about 2 km from the open cast mine in town to the Baxter's Road site where the waste is accumulating in the form of a hill inversely proportional to the depth of the hole. When they send the gold bearing ore through, its diverted in the building that you see, up the conveyor belt at the side & on to the heap that you see. I wouldn't bother trying to flog a spoonful or two though. I think that the yield is currently about 6 parts per million or less. This is one of the interesting places that I get to visit in the course of my job..

Quote of The Day...

Or probably the week..... Maybe even the year...... " Y'know a fucking man would do that for a fucking lady." Sorry about the French, but that's the way it went. The lady concerned..... Sorry, the FEMALE concerned, was in the hospitality trade too.. Behind the counter of a bottle store. You see, our contract with regards to this particular customer is strictly door to door, so for this place its all hand unload. We have for years done this at this particular outlet, but a different female was there today & she could see no earthly reason why I shouldn't take it all through to the back of the shop to the stock room & put it on the shelves for her. The bit at the top was one of the less salty bits of the conversation with her. I behaved myself admirably. The words, "If there was a lady present I might consider it" ran through my mind, but I kept my trap shut.

I'm trying to lose weight at the moment. I blimped out a bit while I was on holiday. I have my excuses/reasons, but they don't change the fact that I topped out at just over 120kg's. So far, I'm back down to 115.2 kg's, which isn't bad going for me. Ideally, I would like to get back to under 100 kg's, but we will see how we go. Breakfasts are a problem. I dont particularly like breakfast cereals; My doctor suggested fresh fruit, but much as I enjoy fruit, I can't face it at that hour of the day. I'm a good old 4 bits of toast man. Preferably with a fresh tomato still warm from the morning sun in our garden, garnished with judicious amounts of salt & pepper. Left over stew, a small tin of spaghetti, bacon tomato & eggs, poached eggs all find their way onto the menu eventually. A good brekkie sets me up for the day.

Lunch in my prime was 4 sandwiches. I cut that to two some years ago & recently got down to one. The reason that a sammy is good is that it balances nicely on the engine cowling in the lunchbox lid between bites while you are driving. My cholesterol is up too. I refuse to eat margerine for the same reason I refuse to spread bread with used axle grease. I don't think its very good for you. So now that I have the time to stop for 10 minutes or so to eat, I have started making salads. Its very satisfying to incorporate fresh vegetables from the garden as they come to maturity. I'm looking forward at this point to fresh runner beans, Basil & our own tomatoes. I augment this with small tins of tuna & , a recent discovery, small tins of shredded chicken meat, either smoked or with mayo. I didn't enjoy lunch today. In a burst of dietary fervour, I asked Herself to get me some Tofu.. Yep, you heard right, TOFU. this to give a bit of bulk to my salads without upping the calory count too high. She responded with something called "Tofu Luncheon." With considerable misgivings, I diced some into my salad today. Misgivings, because it looks suspiciously like the roll in the fridge that I hack lumps off to feed our dog. I also found a squeezy bottle of "Lite Mayonnaise" in the pantry. "Cool," I thought. Wrong on both counts. The tofu was bland & dry. The mayo didn't taste anything like a real mayo should.

Vegetarian & diet products are OK, But I see no reason why they have to be bland & tasteless, or that far removed from real taste so as not to resemble the original at all. I have long had a mistrust of artificial sweetners & lite this & lite that & todays lunch has only served to re enforce the prejudice. You see, I like food. I like to taste what I eat. I like robust flavour. I don't particularly like chillies though. A little heat is OK, but I really don't enjoy a really savage heat. I'll go back to my original plan I think. It may take a little longer to get the weight off, but at least I'll enjoy the ride a bit more.

Oh by the way ! You know I said the tofu looked like dog roll? Well I thought, "To hell with it. If it looks like dog food, the dog should eat it. " After all, he is on a diet too, & if it stops moving long enough, he will generally eat it. Well, I put it in his bowl tonight. He looked back over his shoulder at me reproachfully with a look that was eloquent in its silence. I took pity on him, deposited it in the pedal bin & gave him some fresh meat & bikkies instead. The crunch line is that if a hungry dog won't eat it, I sure as hell aren't going to. A man must have some principles you know....

The Day the Music Died

Purists will no doubt protest at my use of that quote to talk about John Lennon. I know that the song was written about Buddy Holly, but I do seriously think that the quote is just as applicable to Lennon as it does Holly. For those of you that don't realise, it's 29 years to the day that John Lennon was shot. A sad day for music & humanity in general I think. I remember well what I was doing when it happened. Me & a Fire Brigade buddy, Bernie, were in deepest darkest Otara going about our lawful business in the way of secondary employment namely debt recovery & repossession. I forget exactly what it was that we were chasing. Either bedroom furniture or carpet springs to mind. Bernie & me used to work together evenings for things like that & cars, that need two people to take the stuff.

Anyway, there we were, surrounded by hostile natives, & trust me, NOTHING can be as hostile as Pacific Islanders when you are taking stuff out of their house that they haven't paid for. So Bernie had just taken something out to the wagon, where we had left the radio on. I'll never forget the look on his face when he came back in. He leaned against the hall wall & very softly said to me, "Someones just shot John Lennon." I think my reply mentioned the act of fornication, but I'm not sure. We stopped what we were doing for a few minutes & talked, not necessarily about lennon, but just to ground ourselves out & provide some mutual reassurance. Bernie wandered off outside again with something else that we had recovered leaving me alone with the family. One of the younger ones wandered past me & to make conversation & said, "John Lennons been shot." He looked at me all strange & said, "Who?"

That gave me pause for thought, & I gradually came to the realisation that I was part of a bygone era. Oh, at that stage most of the young ones knew of Paul Mc Cartney. It was after all, the heyday of Wings, but John Lennon ? The Beatles? Sorry, who are they ? I was there, musically speaking. At the time, music was stagnating somewhat, so it was utterly mindblowing when the Beatles started being played. Part of their success was the fact that they appealed to a broad spectrum of listeners. Grannies were quite happy to sit & rock to their music along with teenagers.

After they split & went their own ways, I must admit that I much preferred the harsher sound of Lennon. Goody Twoshoes Mc Cartney still appealed across the board. Yeah, I do enjoy the music of Wings, but Lennon singing "Stand By Me," still puts shivers in my spine & tears in my eyes. I missed a lot of the music of the early 70's. I was busy trying to build a career & a family. (Cue tears & violins) In my dotage, I seem to have grown out of the mid to late 60's music. In later years, I have developed a fondness for the more urgent sounds of bands like Led Zeppelin & others that I missed first time round. I do own Beatles albums. One of the most prized of my albums is a mint copy of The Beatles "White" album. I haven't played it it yet, & I may never do so. Its worth far too much money. I also have a fair collection of their other works as well that I very rarely play. They just don't have the substance that I need any more. They didn't last all that long anyway. The archetypical bad boys of rock, The Rolling Stones, are still basically doing it, with more or less still the original line up, only missing one of the original lineup. OK, so the packaging is showing a lot of wear, but they can still turn out a damn good concert. Surely far more successful than the Beatles ever were.

My taste in music is fairly variable, depending on my mood of the day, but I can still listen to Lennon no matter what. Sit down & listen to "Working Class Hero" sometime. I mean sit down & REALLY listen to it. We miss you John..

Dive ! Dive ! Dive!

Its a long time since I have sat down & watched a reasonable WW2 submarine movie. I think it was just about one called "Das Boot" which was excellent. Tonight, however, I sat down & watched one called "U571" which was good enough to keep me up till 11.00 pm to see the end of it. I don't think I have seen it before, but if I have, it doesn't really matter, because I don't remember it anyway. It was notable in that it had Harvey Keitel playing the gritty old chief, & John Bon Jovi playing the engineer on an American Pig Boat, who sends a boarding party to capture a German U Boat that is lying somewhere in the Atlantic, disabled. Now there is summink curious. Have you ever noticed that submarines are traditionally called "boats," while surface vessels are called "ships." Just a small aside to give you something to go "Hmmmm....." about. Anyway, it was an OK movie, with plenty of action & drama &, believe it or not, not a woman in sight.

We went to see our local Xmas Parade today. Herself really wanted to, & as our other plans didn't come to fruition, we went. She is determined to do the full Xmas thing this year & who am I to stop her. We don't know how many she has left. I'm not really a Xmas sorta person, but its nice to see Herself enjoy it.

Our GP has extracted a promise from the Neurology Department at Waikato that Herself will get an MRI scan sometime in the next two weeks. In my heart I think I know what the answer is going to be. I think we both do really.

Ups & Downs

We went to the Doctor on Friday. Herself's test results were in. After all the shagging around & possibilities, we are left with two options now. Either a stroke or Lou Gehrig's disease. If you want to know about the latter, look it up for yourself. It's not pretty. Our Doctor is calling in all sorts of favours to jump the queue to get herself an MRI scan. That should finally tell us. Meanwhile, our next appointment with the Hospital surgeon is 9th of January. Him I'm not happy with. Aside from him not answering a letter from our GP requesting some assistance & info, he is also the one that definitely told us she had Bulbar Palsy. You really don't want to know what its like to go through the grief process that a diagnosis like that involves, only to be told a month or two later that it might be something else. We've been through a lot of diseases & conditions to get to where we are now. She is also supposed to see a visiting neurologist at Thames on, I think, the 11th of January, although what use that will be without an MRI scan I really don't know. Will keep you all posted anyway.

Well, that was the down. The up was we went fishing Saturday morning, two & a half hours & we had our limit. Herself didn't really want to come in, but we had to watch the tide a bit as we were using Te Puru ramp, & anything less than half tide makes it a bit tricky to get The Dog on the trailor. We had a good day. Today was blob day with 2 hours of Star Trek. I did get a bit of work done round home though. Tomorrow, back to work & hopefully news of an MRI scan, who knows................

Offending everyone

Every once in a while there comes along a truly funny story that is original in concept & most importantly offensive to just about everybody. This is one such joke......


A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop.



After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat.

It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'

The owner replied: 'It's $12 for the rat, and $100 for the story.'

The fella gave the owner his $12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story!'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the drains and begun following him.

This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed and ran on towards Sydney Harbour and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster and faster.

By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze rat as far out into the water as he could.

Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it .........and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said,

'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'Shit no!' said the bloke. 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim, a couple of Asians, a Poof, anything Aboriginal, and an Indian spin bowler.

Feel free to tailor it to which ever location & ethnic minorities that you want.... Enjoy.