A night at the Opera

Those of you who know me will know that I am definitely not an opera fan. I don't go much on musicals that you need a plot synopsis to understand what is being screeched about. It isn't that I don't acknowledge the years of dedication that it takes to be able to sing that loudly & memorise all those words in Italian or German or what ever, I do. I just don't see the point is all. Everyone criticises Dylan for his lack of diction, but at least he sings in English & if you actually LISTEN to him, you can understand him. Herself on the other hand is an opera buff.. She loves the damn stuff. We have reached an accord where she is free to listen to it as long & as loud as she likes, so long as its while I'm not home. We have reached an accord where she does that, & I listen to some of my more eclectic music under the head phones, generally while she is watching Miami CSI or some other programme that I find particularly mind numbing. You see, the monotone delivery that American actors seem to affect at the moment bores me shitless, But thats a whole other blog post in itself.

Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, our world renowned opera singer, has caused discord in the Cathouse. You see , I find her comments regarding Hayley Westenra's style of singing extremely offensive. Herself, on the other hand, apparently believes that KTK has a direct link to God & can do no wrong. For the record, Westenra's style of singing doesn't really appeal to me either. Given my druthers, I would rather listen to a bit of down & dirty Joplin, or the dulcet tones of Joan Baez, or even a bit of hard rocking Stevie Nix.

I rate KTK's comments about on a level with kicking a Labrador puppy. Westenra has that "cute " factor that has little old ladies dribbling over her left right & center. OK, so the old Dame may not particularly want to share a stage (read limelight) with her. Maybe she is scared that Westenra may get a better reception than her, I don't know. The whole deal smacks of a large meal of sour grapes & professional jealousy. I mean here's KTK with all these years of training & a huge overseas career, (remember all the denigratory comments re her NZ heritage?) versus a kid from the South Island that was discovered by a country & western singer & has proved to be a huge local success, selling heaps of music.

Dame Kiri is welcome to her opinions, as are we all, but under the circumstances, I think she would have done her public image a lot more good had she just quietly refused the concert without the gratuitous comments. Kind of ironic that the whole deal was rained off anyway. Even Herself, after seeing the shitstorm that the whole deal has created, is starting to grudgingly admit that Kiri has screwed up badly on this occasion. Now THAT really IS something...

Nice ladies & little dirt bags.

It's not often that I am sorely tempted towards physical violence towards children, but today I would have gladly made an exception. You see today, I had an afternoon run up to Coromandel. I had one of our better little trucks to take & the sea was an absolute picture. I had a stop to do at one of the oyster companies, & when I went in to see where they wanted their stuff, the nice Maori lady was shelling oysters. On making suitable appreciative noises, she proceeded to give me 2 or 3 still in the shell.. Bliss... So after the last two days of hell runs to Auckland, I was a very happy little camper. Even more so as she came out with a little pottle that contained about a dozen raw oysters. Very nice they was when I got home & had them to the accompaniment of lemon juice, black pepper & a cold beer... Herself is bracing herself & hoping that they don't all work. Anyway, they tasted good & all was well in my little world

That was right up to the point when i was exiting a service lane after another delivery, & this green Toyota king cab ute came round the corner ahead in front of me. "No problem really" thought I, as we both had plenty of room so all was cool. Right up to the point where this arrogant little shit aged about 10, glared at me out the window & flipped me the bird. Did I mention that the whole uteload belonged to our major & very vocal minority group? I think it is very sad that the Maori youth of today is being preprogrammed into a conditioning of hatred towards anyone with European colouring. I also found it very sad that time, social conditioning & the fact that 3 of his extremely large cuzzies were also in the ute prevented me from going after him & smashing his nose into a bloody pulp.

An Oldy but a goody

Got sent this one from my old mate Hawkeye. Its an oldy but a goody, so I thought I would share.




>
> HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
>
> The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
> chemistry mid term.
>
> The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
> with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
> pleasure of enjoying it as well :
>
> Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
> heat)?
>
> Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
> cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant
> .
> One student, however, wrote the following:
>
> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
> to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
> they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets
> to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
> many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
> exist in the world today.
>
> Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
> religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
> religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
> project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are,
> we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,
> we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
> states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
> same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
>
> This gives two possibilities:
>
> 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
> Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
> breaks loose.
>
> 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
> then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
>
> So which is it?
>
> If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
> that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
> account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be
> true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
> over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
> follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct
> ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
> which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
> THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

I've had a good week

Monday, I did an early run to Hamilton, Tuesday I went to Whitianga, Wednesday was Whangamata, Thursday was Whitianga & Cooks Beach, & Friday was Coromandel. All this & I got paid for it as well. Saturday was unadmittedly a selfish day. I tore the manky old user unfriendly stereo out of Sherman & replaced it with one I bought second hand some time ago. I've been a little scared of this job as dammit, there are a lot of wires hanging out the back of new car radios.

But I managed it without blowing up or setting fire to Shermy & it works beautifully. I also took the CB set out of Herself's car & mounted that in Sherman as well. Another job I have been promising myself to do as well, but I couldn't do it until I replaced the stereo, as they both go in the same hole in the console. I put the original little cubby hole back in Herselfs car to fill the space. Now we are both happy. Me for obvious reasons & herself because she now has somewhere else in her car to shove essential crap. Never known anyone who carts as much essential crap round as her. I guess if you want to be pedantic about it, that could include me I guess, but hey....

Today, we went up to Auckland for Renee, my Grand daughters 6th birthday& had a lovely time. Here is a couple of pics of her & her cake.




Clever old sausage isn't she ?

Memories are made of this...

Got sent this link by a dear friend in the States. OK, so it is, of course, American oriented, but the music is great & if you an old fugitive hippy like me, its a groove...

http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm

Thanks a heap for the link Kathy...

The Chances of anything coming from Mars

Are about as likely as Hollywood doing a remake of a classic story & not butchering it badly. I came home last night after a 15 hour day at work, yes its absolute bloody madness there at the moment, to a wonderful tea. Herself had really excelled herself. Steak, homemade chips, sweetcorn, & beans picked freshly from our own garden, all helped along the way with 2 or 3 really cold beers.

Afterwards, while relaxing (blobbing out actually) on the sofa, I saw a leader for, "Tonight's Blockbuster Movie on 2, War of The Worlds." "Oooh," thinks I. "Lovely way to finish a stressy day seeing as I don't actually have to get up in the pre sparrow fart hours for work the next morning,"Gotta watch this." Turns out that its the Tom Cruise "What if" version... What if we shift the whole story to the US & modernise it. This means we don't have to spend big bucks on sets, & lets make TC an estranged crane driver with two kids to a remarried ex wife, Blardy blardy blah...

Dammit, I may be old fashioned, but H G got the story right when he wrote it. The original worked then , & it still works now. Ok, so I knew what was coming, because I had already wasted money going to see it on the big screen, but that was before I went to see Jeff Wayne's musical version. Now there was a version that ROCKED, but I think we have already been there . I guess I'm spoiled now forever.... Sighhhhhhh.

Paradise is twice as nice

This is the view from where herself & I had a picnic lunch in our boat today. A lovely little bay on the seaward side of Whanganui Island. As you can see it was lovely & sheltered. We had a wonderful day. came home with 10 nice pan sized snapper, & I had a real adrenaline rush when I hooked up on a Thresher Shark about 6 ft. long. This is what they look like although this pic doesnt do the colour of the beast justice.It was the most amazing shade of violet on top. It was making huge leaps out of the water & stripping line off the reel with the most amazing ease. I tightened the drag in the hope that it would either bust off or chew through the line but no. When I finally got him close enough, I could see that he was hooked in the corner of his mouth & no way was he chewing through. In the end, after about 6 runs away from the boat, I finally got him close enough for herself to cut the trace down by the hook. He sat & rested for a second or two before quietly swimming off. I suppose I could have gaffed it & got my hook back, but he really was too beautiful to hurt any more. Herself managed to get a shot with my camera of it, so when the film is developed & if it turns out OK, will post it here .

I want a breeding pair of these..

No, seriously, I really do. Then I can call one Morris, & the other one Minnie.

I'm reading Jeremy Clarkson's latest book at the moment. Its called "Don't stop me now." Its an entertaining read, being a series of car reviews in a fairly humorous style. In his one on the Ford Ka Sports, he mentions a couple of ads that have since been pulled, but I found em on You Tube & they are bloody funny. Here they are...

On being a new Grandad

Ok, so as most of you already know, I already have two very cute little grandkids that i love dearly. They are, however, from Herself's side of the family. Doesnt really make any difference to the way I feel about them. They are our grandkids & I love them dearly.

But at round 9.30 pm on the 9th of this month, my eldest son's wife had by caesarian birth a wee baby girl, 5 weeks early & weighing a mere 4 odd pounds. Damn but there is something special about that 1st blood grand child. Here she is.. Anna Jayne Leslie. The living proof that miracles do still happen.
What else ? Oh yeah! we went fishing yesterday, come home with 6 snapper. Tea was whole fish wrapped in tinfoil seasoned with lemon grass, parsley & butter. Eat your hearts out. Today, I got bored & for the first time in 12 years made a pizza. Everything from the base upwards. That tasted pretty good as well..

To the dump to the dump, to the dump dump dump...

Well , OK it's a refuse transfer station actually, but that really doesn't go terribly well with the William Tell Overture somehow. Anyway, we had a trailor load of green waste thats been sitting around for a week or so nicely drying out. Add to that the current lot of lawn clippings & herself's final mad frenzy of weeding & you sorta get the idea. So, there we were unloading next to this guy with a tandem axle trailor & considerably more stuff than we had, & we got to talking to him as you do under such conditions. Our dump is a very social place to go to pass the time of day.

Turns out this guy is an Aucklander. Among other things he told us, it turns out that he has worked for the same company up there for 32 years. He is a supervisor. What he actually supervises is a bloody great machine that puts foil covering on packets of food product. Personally, I can't imagine ANYONE doing a job that mind numbingly boring for that length of time. I've had jobs that were similar, but they were part time jobs when I was in the Fire Service & i didn't last much more than a week at them.

It turns out that with the advent of Kiwi Saver, they all cashed in their company super & started up with Kiwi. not a move that I think that I would like to make, but its not my choice anyway. He & his wife have bought an old house about 20 minutes drive down the coast. Its a bit run down. The previous owner had it rented out for the last 5 years & hasn't done anything to it, so you get the idea. So here he is with his 4th trailor load of green waste. His good lady wife (bless her) is more concerned about clearing the section, while he has been trying to rejuvenate the bathroom.. A lot of rotten timber that necessitated stripping the weatherboard from the exterior to replace timbers. The house is the original farm house for the area & still has the original kauri plank, scrim & wallpaper interior that was common in that era. His plan is to completely reline with gib, tidy everything up & retire down here . By the time he has done all that, he'll bloody well need to retire. At least he has family that can help him. I suppose that all this work during the holidays makes a pleasant change from watching foil covered packages spew out of a machine.

Anyway, our dump has now put in a weighbridge. This is a much fairer system than the old one. That used to involve some fairly complex calculations involving an eyecrometer. It also involved knowing the guy in the office or not, with resultant wild variations in charges. Now you get weighed coming in & weighed going out & pay accordingly. Thats how I know that Sherman towing my little trailor weighs 2100 kg's. Also, my modest little load was only 56kg & only cost me $2.00. Under the old system, it would probably have cost me nearer $10.00.

New Year , all in all was better than Xmas. I caught up with an old mate that I haven't seen for about 12 years. He used to be a mechanic, which is good, because he sorted out a couple of issues with the motor on my boat which were a little worrying. The highlight of his days fishing was catching a small hammerhead shark. There are heaps of em about at the moment, & weight for weight they are bloody good little fighters & I always carefully let them go. In my opinion, anything with optical problems like that need all the help they can get.

It was Jeff's birthday New Years Eve & his brother in Auckland had made arrangements for him, so we reluctantly bid him farewell. Alison & the kids came up & stayed a couple of nights. Its always good to see them & we saw the occasion in with all the flair, aplomb & dignity that one could reasonably expect. In other words, we ate too much, drank too much, talked a lot of crap, & generally enjoyed ourselves.

Well, thats about it. I am hopeful that I will get some proper holidays a bit later on. I have a Grandchild due mid February, & my baby boy turns 30 on the 28th of Feb. Both events are happening in Dunedin. God, I wish that they were a little bit closer than that. Still, a holiday is a holiday I guess.

From Hamburger to Ham.

I worked today, unlike those many thousands of folk whose bosses run businesses that hold a non essential place in our community. A courier company has got to keep the wheels turning. In my case, I did a van run to Auckland & picked up a staggering amount of bread, meat & vegetables. Enough to fill a Ford Courier Jumbo in fact. All this to contribute in part to keeping the myriads of tourists that flock to our part of the world well, if not expensively, fed.

One of the drops that I did on the way home was a delivery of bread product to a roadside restaurant that we do regular drops to. In an effort to gee up my somewhat jaded Xmas spirits,(the reason for that is a whole different ballgame, & not one that I want to share at this point) I bid the lady in the kitchen "Merry Xmas," & asked her what her plans where for the day. "Work," she replied. "Surely not in here," sez I. "Nope," sez she, "Home cooking Xmas dinner." "Oh." sez I. "Hamburgers to ham, huh?"

This did, at least, raise a smile on her face. She was as busy as. Heaps of traffic on the road, burger orders backed up,hot as hell in the kitchen & just herself & the ditsy blonde teenager manning the counter out front. At least I brightened her day a little I hope.

We are on the road early tomorrow for a two hour drive to spend Xmas with our daughter & the grand kids, so I can empathise with her in that I too will spend part of my holiday doing the same thing that I do for a living, namely driving. It does have its rewards though. i will have herself with me, I will be driving Sherman, & when we get there, I can relax & have a beer or two or three with the obligatory after dinner nap.

So where ever you are & however you spend your day, enjoy it & be safe. Also spare a thought for those who have to keep the wheels turning regardless of how much they want to be with their loved ones. I have been in that situation & could relate some truly horrendous Xmas Eve & New Years Eve anecdotes, but I wont. I prefer to keep those sort of memories in the dark place where wild things roam.

So from Herself & me, have a truly great Xmas & enjoy your special time with your loved ones. I know we will, & thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings. merry Xmas all.

Xmas lights

Herself, bless her, really enjoys Xmas with all the trimmings. She really gets into the whole deal. I have managed so far to restrain her efforts to the interior of the house, being ever mindful of the high cost of strings of lights, cute Santa's on sleighs, Elves on seesaws, Xmas trains etcetera, not to mention the hazards to aerial navigation all these flashing lights imply. You see, we do live under the flight path of the local airfield & I, for one, don't really fancy the concept of an aircraft, even if it is only a two seater Cessna or something, mistaking my bloody roof for a runway because of them.

The look of disappointment on her face when I said "No" this year was too much for me though. So I worked very hard while she was out the other day & really set things up. Can you imagine the look on her face when she came home & saw this absolute little Wonderland of lights...

Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

Guarded Holiday Greetings to Everyone

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to all of you, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my team of human rights lawyers yesterday, and after taking their advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with due respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or of their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you all a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make my or your country great (not to imply that UAE, Pakistan, China, Singapore, the US and Thailand is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By reading this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal without notice and is without any risk, liability or engagement on my part. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

James [ surname deleted in accordance with voluntary code of practice against nationalist symbolism and gender discrimination ]

So this is Christmas

and what have you done ?

So begins one of the most haunting Christmas songs that I know. John Lennon sure knew what he was doing when he penned those words. I hope that you are doing more than the mean spirited assholes that left this crap & rubbish with the Salvation Army Shop in Waihi as donations for Xmas presents for kids in need. People may be poor, but they still have pride.. isnt it sad how condescending & self serving some folks can be. Good on ya Sallies for highlighting this...

RIP CHLOE

Mistress of The Lounge, Terroriser of Ginger Ninja's, fresh fish, cheese & bacon afficionado extraordinaire. You were originally intended to be my Mum's cuddly sit on the lap & purr sweetly cat to comfort her in her old age. Instead you turned out to be a perverse old Tart that refused to sit on ANYONE'S lap, but would on occasion curl up beside you, or wait expectantly in front of you for a gentle skritch under the ears.

The last of the great conversationalists, you could always be relied upon to pass the time of day with me when I got up at some ungodly hour to go drive a truck. Your grip of the English language when talking to the Ninja's was legendary. Even I, as a trucky was shocked & dismayed by some of the language that you used.

But, like all of us, old age &, in your case, cancer, finally got the better of you & you ended up suffering more than we could endure so you had the final trip to the vets & was gently put to sleep with the dignity you so richly earned. Goodbye old girl, I'm gonna miss you. Our life has been so much richer for having shared life with you. May the Heavyside treat you kindly with soft warm beds, plenty of fresh fish, a selection of bacon, both raw & cooked, a perpetual cheese board, neverending milk at room temperature & as much love as you had here.

Everyone should

at least once in their life stand naked in the rain somewhere. It 's a remarkably energising experience, especially after a long dry spell. Sorta helps put you right back in touch with nature at its most basic. The main thing to remember is that unless you live a long long way away from other houses, its best to do it at night time though.......

More Justin Timberwank

on the front page of the Herald ?????? Excuse me while I go mug a walrus for a bucket to vomit in........

Today, we raced

Well in theory we didnt . In theory, we had a controlled run up Lake Karapiro & back doing a poker run. But when you get 40 odd boats in a running shotgun start,(literally) then its not surprising that the old testosterone gets flowing & the throttle gets nudged further & further forward & to hell with other lake users.

You see, we participated in Fish City's annual Poker run. The idea of this is that you circumnavigate a course collecting sealed envelopes with playing cards in them. When you return, the scrutineers open them & make the best hand they can, with you having the option of buying up to 4 extra cards. Its an annual event in memory of a young lad that worked for them & died of a melanoma & the monies raised go to cancer research. This year it was leukemia.

Anyway, we had a ball. Top Dog showed a clean pair of heels to a surprising amount of boats, the only low point being a loss of power on the way home & we had to limp in at a mere 35 km/h. Fortunately it was only loose screws holding the cover plate on the fuel pump & is now all fixed. One of the treasured memories of the day is the water skier who panicked when he saw about 10 boats bearing down on him at a rate of knots & arsed off. It was quite beautiful the way we all peeled off round him.

The halfway point was a particularly beautiful little bay where we all lounged around, drank cold drinks,(non alcoholic) & swam. My excuse for wearing a life jacket in the water was that I had never been in the water with one & wanted to see how well they held an old fatso like me up. Nothing whatsoever at all to do with the 50 ft of water under me....

Then it was back to the clubhouse for the awarding of prizes. I won a spot prize of an outboard motor cover, about 3 sizes too big for my motor. Didnt win the main prizes, but thats Ok.. We had a great day out....

Nice one, NZ Herald....

I see the Heralds lead story this morning is a revue of the Justin Timberwank concert... Why ???? The conceited git has only ever put out two albums & neither of them particularly uplifting.. The last three shows that I have been to, Dylan, Steely Dan & War of the Worlds were all reviewed as well, but you had to hunt for them. Wheres your taste in musical appreciation guys ????

Well, this is me

Just SOOOOOO happy to be off to work yet again starting at 6.00 AM yet again on a run that I don't particularly like yet again.... The only consolation that I have is that Dave is back tomorrow from his paternity leave & he can have his run back.. He is definitely in no danger of a takeover bid from me....