Bitter Sweet

I changed my mobile phone provider from Vodafone to 2 degrees recently. Taint no biggy, nobody will be going broke or making a fortune, because I'm on prepaid & mainly just use it for text messages. Sadly, in the form of a trap for young players, I neglected to transfer my phone numbers from my SIM card to the handset. I should explain that I took the option of retaining my existing number. Much more straight forward right ? Yep, except that when you switch to two degrees, your old sim card is disabled, so I have been reloading everybody's number. If you have my cell number incidentally, please drop me a TXT so I can get your number again. Anyway, i got to the point of sorting out my Darlings cell number. There was a number on our house phone, but I wasn't sure if it was the right one, so I rang it to see. It wasn't. It was her old number. An old Telecom one that still had an answerphone message on it that she recorded when she could still talk. I've listened to it about 3 times now, just to hear her talk the way she used to. Happy & cheerful & beautifully spoken. I don't know that I should really listen to it again.

I don't often dream & I usually have difficulty remembering them, but I had one that I vividly remembered last night. I had finally lost my Darling & we were in church for her funeral. Everything was white. The floor, the walls, our clothes, even the ones that Jude was wearing, & the coffin. Then we all got up, went forward & all put the most beautiful white roses in the coffin with her. That was when I woke up, probably just as well. I told her about it this morning & we both stood & held each other & cried for quite a while. It did take me a while to get back to sleep after I had it, so I just laid there for an hour or so pondering on the meaning. I'm still not really any the wiser, just a little sadder. I had a heart to heart with Whispas about it this morning while we were out walking. She didn't really have a lot to say on the subject, just gave me one those ineffably wise looks & went off in search of a quail family in the park.

She had an appointment with the respiratory clinic today. Our specialist is a really nice guy with a really natty range of bowties that his wife apparently makes for him. We had quite a chat about Jude's VPAP machine & what could be done to make it a little more user friendly. He is going to check. That & shopping for new nighties, talking to our Hospice Waikato worker & a visit from the district nurse sort of took up most of the rest of the day. I'm hopeful that i will be able to get into some of the jobs that have been piling up. I've looked forward to retirement for a long time, looking forward to increased leisure time. I don't think I have ever been so busy in my life.