For whom the bell tolls

I got some very sad news today. A lady that we met while we were on holiday has just passed away. We didn't really know her at all. She was pretty much in the same boat as Jude in as much as she couldn't speak either, so they just sorta sat there & smiled at each other a lot. To complicate matters, she also had early onset Alzheimers. We found out a bit about her from her husband though. She was a school teacher as well as a music teacher, so all in all, a very clever & intelligent lady. Now she's gone. Its very sad. You could tell that she was a lovely & dignified sort of a person. Rest in peace, Judith Angus. Life treated you unfairly. May you be at peace where you are now.

I don't enjoy receiving news like that. it reminds me somewhat uncomfortably of the uncomfortable inevitability of this dreadful disease that we are facing. There is no get out of jail free card, no last minute miracle cure & no hidden exit. We don't like looking at that. We know where we are heading. Every day brings something new pointing the bony finger in the only direction that it can point, be it having to spend more time each day on the BIPAP machine, sleeping more, or getting more unsteady on her feet. Not only does it make life harder for her, it also limits the amount that she can do every day, so I am learning a new skill. That of organising time out of the house to achieve maximum results. We have the library to a fine art now. I slowly push her down one or the other of the aisles. She points out books, I retrieve, she peruses & decides if its readable or not. Meantime I keep an eye open for myself & books on the higher shelves that she can't see because of her inability to lift her head very far now.

She gets a lovely massage Mondays & Fridays, they help her a lot. We have asked DSL if we can have our carer in to shower & dress her 7 days a week now. I could carry on doing it, but I feel awkward. I know that Jude can feel that, but bless her she doesn't say a word. So its easier to let Colleen do it. Its what she does for a living & she does it very well. Add to that the fact that she has been a personal friend for a lot of years & you get the idea. Depending on what time I wake up, I get an hour or so in the morning to puddle on line without having to keep an ear open for Jude needing help. 3 claps means she needs help. Anything else is approval of something on TV or in a book or what ever. Anyway, I usually wait till she is out of bed, gone to the loo & settled in front of one or the other of the tellies. She hasn't said anything, but I think the TV in the bedroom might be a little high for her. Something to check on. Once she has settled, the little dog & I go for our morning walk. I have found a definite benefit to waiting until I get back before I have my breakfast. I don't feel so sluggish & an empty stomach helps the thought processes.

The rest of the day basically revolves around me trying to do the non noisy stuff while she is sleeping. I can generally get a nap for an hour or two in the early afternoon while she is watching her home renovation & cooking shows. Strangely, at this time of year anyway, I actually look forward to bringing in the washing. It's very quiet & peaceful in the back yard. All you can hear is the Tuis Pigeons & starlings all having their late afternoon chats. All accompanied by a little dog happily munching on her bone. I buy her beef soup bones. They have a lot of meat on them & make a pleasant change for her from chicken necks. I used to just haul the washing off the line, dump it in the basket, then maybe sort & fold it while watching TV in the evening, but I have found a certain enjoyment in folding sun crisp washing & sorting it as I go. less crinkles & wrinkles as well.

So, here I am at 1100 pm, at the keyboard with my post Jude bed time scotch on the rocks. It helps settle me for the night. That & a 5 minute walk so that the little dog can have her last potty stop of the day before she curls up by my head, gives a couple of happy piggy little grunts, carefully puts her head on my shoulder, I suspect to try & make sense of what is written in the book I am reading. It never fails to amaze me. She sleeps not 6 inches away from me all night & yet in the morning we have a mad gallop round the lounge with enough enthusiasm that you could be forgiven for thinking she had been locked in a shed at the bottom of the garden all night. She has boundless enthusiasm for what ever she does, be it going for a walk, going out in the wagon or curling up for a nap with me. I honestly don't know where I would be mentally without her, she is such a joy to have about.

So there we are. Judith Angus has gone on. She is free of the indignity of having to have other people having to care for a body that increasingly won't do what the brain tells it to do. I can only imagine what that must be like. I have an inkling, because I live with it & see the frustration on Jude's face when she can't even do simple tasks like pull up her own trousers, or watch people sit down & eat. Its not a nice disease.