The Secret Garden

I don't know if it is a pensioners complaint or not , but I am actually starting to enjoy gardening. Those that know me well enough will tell you that I am more a hunter gatherer than a farmer, but in spite of my self, I am starting to enjoy it. You see, Jude is gradually becoming more & more intensive in her care needs. Sometimes I find it very painful just watching her try to do something for herself. She never gives up, but there are a lot of things now that she just simply can't do for herself. Simple things that you & I take for granted, like getting out of bed, or feeding herself. Even putting a rug over her knees. Suffice it to say that the gardening that she loved so much is only a fond memory now.

So I have stepped into the gap. I know she worries about the gardens & my ability to cope with them because she has asked the District Nurse how to go about getting a disability grant to get them done. I have always tried to tailor jobs around Jude's routine, but as she is now sleeping a lot more, it becomes difficult to get things done that require leaving her home on her own, as the simple task of taking her mask off, getting out of bed, coming to the lounge, sitting in a chair & putting a rug over her knees is beyond her now, so a trip to the super market instead of being a leisurely thing is now a frantic dash to get home in time to put her to bed, or help her go to the toilet. Fortunately, an ex workmate's wife has offered to sit with her for me which will be a big help.

As a consequence, I find myself with time on my hands. A simple chore like hanging out & bringing in washing is pleasant, but you can only stretch it so far. Enter gardening. I have always looked after the vege garden, so have started with that. I have resolved to do at least half an hours gardening a day, until they are looking at least as if someone may actually give a passing thought to them if not actually love them. So far its working. The vege garden is looking respectable again & I intend to start on the front garden today, because thats the one that Jude looks at the most. I intend to get her gardens tidy then plant them with masses of ground cover so that I will mostly just have to prune her beloved roses.

The Secret Garden ? That's in my head. On a sunny afternoon when you're on your knees with a little black dog snuffling around beside you, your hands in soft fertile earth, it's an awful lot easier to try & make some sort of sense out of life. At the very least it provides half an hour or so where you can let your mind take flight & soar in places that are just memories now. I still don't like gardening & its a form of self discipline that I need to do it , but aside from pleasing Jude, the side effects in my head are well worth it.