A rite of passage

Chris came down to see us this weekend. You know Chris, Jude's youngest son & my strong right arm. I'm glad he did, because this weekend was the biggy for Jude & I. We have had a Hospital bed sitting in the garage all week & I have been going out , looking at it & contemplating the significance of it. You see, Jude has reached a point where she is no longer able to support her own weight & needs a commode & a wheelchair to cope with life now. Our bedroom is quite big, but there isn't really enough room around our bed for me to manage her in & out of bed any more. Hence the hospital bed. To accommodate it has required a major rearrangement of all 3 bedrooms. I won't bore you with the details, but it was very much a case of all hands to the pump. The inimitable Colleen, our care giver & good friend, came round & helped as well. To be fair, her & Chris did most of the work, & I sorta hung round like a spare wotsitsname at a wedding looking lost. The bedrooms are all sorted now, with just a bit of fine tuning to do, but everything is useable now. I must admit to feeling sad looking at our double bed in the spare room now & 2 single beds in our room. I will admit though, that the increased ease of managing Jude in & out of bed helps ease the hurt a bit.

We also have a patient lifter waiting in the garage as well, but we can't use it yet, as it was minus $1600.00 worth of battery pack & lifting sling when we got it. That will help a lot with the nightly shifts from bed to commode & back. I am as gentle as i can be, but I know I hurt her arthritic leg every time I lift her.

The animals are very unsettled, with Tigs, who likes to snuggle up between us spending most of last night going from one bed to the other. Fattums isn't much better & the little dog isn't at all happy about being relegated to the foot of the bed, but there just plain isn't enough room for her up by my pillow any more. They will adapt, as will I. Time heals most things I guess.

I had to go down to The Red Shed To get a couple of things this morning, so i took advantage of Chris still being here to give the little dog a walk down in Victoria Park as well. We both love it down there. As soon as Whispa knows we are going there, she starts yipping & mooing with excitement, jumping up & down huffing & snuffing out her window. Sundays are always a nice time down there, especially with the lovely weather we had today. Sunday is the day that the Miniature Railway runs & it really is a big rite of passage for all Thames grandparents to proudly take their grand children down there & pretend that its just for the little ones that they ride it as well. I know, because I've done that. For the princely sum of $1.00 a ride, its an inexpensive way to enjoy a spring morning with the little ones.

So Whispa & I go for a walk. Its a great way to vicariously share the joy & excitement. We both enjoy the walk round under all the beautiful old Pohutukawa trees as well. The little dog gallops madly round in the wet grass thoroughly enjoying herself, while I pretend not to hug the trees. Its a lovely way to destress & recharge the batteries for the coming week.

The Secret Garden

I don't know if it is a pensioners complaint or not , but I am actually starting to enjoy gardening. Those that know me well enough will tell you that I am more a hunter gatherer than a farmer, but in spite of my self, I am starting to enjoy it. You see, Jude is gradually becoming more & more intensive in her care needs. Sometimes I find it very painful just watching her try to do something for herself. She never gives up, but there are a lot of things now that she just simply can't do for herself. Simple things that you & I take for granted, like getting out of bed, or feeding herself. Even putting a rug over her knees. Suffice it to say that the gardening that she loved so much is only a fond memory now.

So I have stepped into the gap. I know she worries about the gardens & my ability to cope with them because she has asked the District Nurse how to go about getting a disability grant to get them done. I have always tried to tailor jobs around Jude's routine, but as she is now sleeping a lot more, it becomes difficult to get things done that require leaving her home on her own, as the simple task of taking her mask off, getting out of bed, coming to the lounge, sitting in a chair & putting a rug over her knees is beyond her now, so a trip to the super market instead of being a leisurely thing is now a frantic dash to get home in time to put her to bed, or help her go to the toilet. Fortunately, an ex workmate's wife has offered to sit with her for me which will be a big help.

As a consequence, I find myself with time on my hands. A simple chore like hanging out & bringing in washing is pleasant, but you can only stretch it so far. Enter gardening. I have always looked after the vege garden, so have started with that. I have resolved to do at least half an hours gardening a day, until they are looking at least as if someone may actually give a passing thought to them if not actually love them. So far its working. The vege garden is looking respectable again & I intend to start on the front garden today, because thats the one that Jude looks at the most. I intend to get her gardens tidy then plant them with masses of ground cover so that I will mostly just have to prune her beloved roses.

The Secret Garden ? That's in my head. On a sunny afternoon when you're on your knees with a little black dog snuffling around beside you, your hands in soft fertile earth, it's an awful lot easier to try & make some sort of sense out of life. At the very least it provides half an hour or so where you can let your mind take flight & soar in places that are just memories now. I still don't like gardening & its a form of self discipline that I need to do it , but aside from pleasing Jude, the side effects in my head are well worth it.