Give us this day our daily bread.

As a kid, this was one of the phrases that used to roll glibly off the tongue as part of the Lords Prayer. You know, one of those things that you glibly say without thinking too much about it. I have come to realise that there is a deep profundity & a heartfelt plea involved in those seven words, especially for someone resident in that particular era. I mean, the whole growing thing, the harvesting, the winnowing & the grinding, all things that had to happen before one could even consider producing something that you could spread a bit of butter & jam on.

The easy way for me now is to wander the half a block down to our local store & buy a loaf of pre cut, presliced, pre packaged stuff. This is as much a social event as anything, as there are always neighbors to talk to & Jen at the store, if she doesnt serve you herself, always has this inexhaustible supply of young tourists working there who love to practice their English. All in all, you can kill a good hour sometimes just getting your daily bread.

Other factors, however have intervened. The price of said daily loaf has inexorably been crawling its way upwards. Also, Herself doesn't/can't eat bread any more. So after about half a loaf, it starts getting stale & inevitably ends up feeding the birds. Yeah, yeah, I can hear you all chorusing now. "Freeze it, you silly man !" But the plain fact is, I don't like frozen bread. So, other measures must inevitably come into play.

Have you ever noticed that just when you think that you have all the flash shiny appliances that you ever need, along comes a new one that you just have to have. One of these was the trusty bread maker & I must admit that they are a handy device. No more hand kneading dough, or waiting for it to prove in the hot water cupboard or on the drying rack over the coal range, just chuck the ingredients in , push the button & hey Presto. 3 hours later the perfect loaf of bread. As someone who used to make bread for a living, I think that they remove a certain mystique from the process, but never mind.

My Mum gave us a breadmaker quite some time ago & mostly it has sat gathering dust & looking forlorn on the shelf as we didn't feel that it was actually economic to bake your own, but now it is. After a couple of truly disastrous efforts involving not enough water & yeast that was probably past its use by date when the Lords Prayer was written, I have finally turned out a reasonably acceptable loaf of bread. It cost $20.00 for a 10kg bag of premix from Bin Inn, so I figure that after about 6 loaves I will be on the winning side financially. Not to mention the satisfaction of doing it yourself.

So this is Christmas

I'm not really sure how we got here, but here indeed we are. Those of you who follow, will know that it has certainly been one of those years for us. I don't think I would like a replay of it somehow. If I was in a pessimistic mood, I could say that it has been a year of crushed dreams, unfulfilled ambitions & personal tragedy. But I'm not like that. Well, not all the time anyway. Okay, maybe some nights at three in the morning when I'm laying awake looking at Herself sleeping peacefully & wondering how much longer I have Her for. Things do look a touch bleak occasionally then.

But we have had good times too & its easier to remember those things rather than dwell on unhappiness. Well, mostly it is anyway. One of the things that has stood out for us both is the quality of friendship that we have been both blessed to receive since Jude has been ill. There have been the inevitable few that have fallen by the wayside because they can't seem to get their head around what is happening, but by & large, we have both been cared for & nurtured in the nicest possible ways.

When someone in a relationship is terminally ill, it is very easy to focus on the ill person & not consider the care giver. I have been very pleasantly surprised at the number of friends who ask how I am holding up as well. One thing I cant deal with is the well intentioned ones who say to me, "I don't know how you are coping with this." Inevitably, this results in me going away & thinking very seriously about how I DO cope. That invariably leads me back to the disturbing realisation that even I am not sure how I do. All I know is that I get out of bed every morning, get dressed & deal with what happens when it happens. One thing I have learnt is not to worry about a bridge unless you are standing on it getting ready to cross it.

In years past, Christmas has always been a very busy time for me workwise. This is the first year ever in a very long time that I haven't been working. This has given me more time to think about Christmas & what it actually means to me. Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that a lot of very sad things have happened to me over the years around Christmas. I wont bore you with the list. suffice it to say that its quite long & very sad. Also, it has no religious connotations for me. Neither did my folks ever make a big thing of it. hanging up christmas cards & a few rudimentary decorations on a pine branch coupled with the chance to present me with next years clothes all nicely wrapped was generally about all. The fondest memory I have is coming home from morning church to the aroma of a roast of mutton permeating the house.

Jude on the other hand loves Christmas. She prepares for it all year, buying little knickknacks as presents & squirreling them away until the time is right to produce them with a flourish & wrap them for whoever they are intended. Normally as well, there is the cooking as well. She does love a big family Christmas dinner, usually cooking enough to feed everyone about three times. We have done the decoration thing & the presents this year, but instead of a whole leg of ham we have just opted for the end of a roll. She hasn't been well enough to do the big Christmas thing & I don't feel like doing it. This year, instead of travelling, we are going to stay home for Christmas Day & go see my Mum on Christmas morning, instead of the week before as we have done in the past. The neighbors have invited us for a BBQ, but we will see how we feel. Boxing Day, we go to Auckland to see the kids.

On the whole, I have found Christmas this year a bit depressing, due I think to a combination of circumstance & having enough time on hand to have a really serious think about the significance of the whole thing. I have done my best, however, to put on a good face & help Jude celebrate it as fully as she wants to. She has gone all out. Even the driveway is decorated this year. As we don't know how many Christmasses we have left together, I wont hold her back.

So anyway, a very Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you all find at least a modicum of happiness & comfort. For me personally, New Year has more significance. There is a bottle of Black Douglas whisky & a supply of soda water & I intend to hoist a few on New Years Eve. For Auld Lang Syne, if nothing else. So, merry Christmas to you all. Thank you for your support, your comments & for the knowing that you do care for us both. We love you all..

Christmas Dinner on the wing

The night before last, just as I was contemplating hauling my weary old carcass out of the spa pool, I heard this whirring sound. I looked up in time to see this rather obese native pigeon come in through the archway like a fully loaded Hercules trying to take off on one engine.

Tonight after a lovely day with one of my cousins coming to visit for lunch, Herself went outside to puddle in the garden as is her wont. She had been out there about 20 minutes when she came in making be quiet & follow me signs. We went out the back & she pointed up into the plum tree at the back. Its a Christmas plum & the plums are just starting to come ripe now. In the branches I saw this....



Two beautiful Kereru, native pigeons, just absolutely gorging themselves on plums. Needless to say, I went in & got my camera & took these pictures.. aren't they a beautiful bird ? I'm sorry, but I can't help but see them on a plate with a do it yourself plumstuffing & roast potatoes &... &... &.....

Friends like this... Priceless...

Jude & I were sitting at home late yesterday morning. Well, she was sitting. I was lying on my back out by the spa pool fitting some new O rings to the pool pump when there was a knock on the front door. "Hullo," I thought, "somebody's at the door. " Real quick on the uptake me. Turns out it was one of my old workmates & his wife & daughter. One of the few that actually bother to keep in touch with me. He is a really nice guy & its nice to have someone to sit & have a beer & a natter with occasionally.

But they were here on a mission. They hadn't been here 5 minutes when he had the vacuum out doing the floors & she was giving Jude a foot massage & manicuring her nails for her. Friends like that are indeed hard to find & very precious, especially when you know that he is working very long hours driving & has given up precious down time to do a good deed for a friend. I feel very humble to have friends like that. Thank you Tony & Jen.. We love you dearly.

Peaceful Days

As those of you who follow my blog will no doubt know, we have had some rough times lately. Go & recap if you want to, I'll wait.... Back now ? Good. We had one of those absolutely wonderful days today. lately, we have been launching our boat at Waikawau as opposed to Te Puru. There are two reasons for this. One is that the ramp at Waikawau is more sheltered, being up a river & the ramp is accessible at all stages of the tide. Being in a river also makes it a lot easier for Jude to get in & out of the boat. The second reason is that the last time I used Te Puru I ripped a hole in the stern (since repaired) trying to get off the ramp in what wasn't really that much of a swell. Jude hasn't really got the strength in her arms to hold the boat steady in anything much past a flat calm these days.So we now use the Waikawau ramp.

The only problem is that its unfamiliar waters to us & we have burned a lot of fuel trying to find the fish. Today, we struck it lucky. We went out fishing today & took young Daniel from next door with us. He's a likeable young lad, very pleasant & polite, well brought up & very eager to be of whatever help he can, which today was quite substantial. having thought about the fish thing for a while, we decided that instead of heading towards Coromandel & trying to find fish among the mussel farms & the myriad of islands, we would head slightly back towards Thames & try the same deep water channel that we have so much success in from Te Puru.

It was a good call. The fish were biting 5 minutes after we dropped the anchor & never really stopped untill we had our limit, 27 fish, some of them a fairly respectable size. this is our days catch in a standard fish bin..

Not a bad haul huh ? By the time we had given one or two away & saved the two biggest ones for the smoker in the morning, we finished up with 5.5 kg's of boneless fillets. That sort of fish currently retails at round $30.00 a kilo in the shops here.

Aside from a superb catch, we had the thrill of seeing about a 10 foot long Hammerhead shark cruise past the boat about 2 foot under the water. It really is quite a thrill to see a prehistoric beast like that glide past nearly close enough to touch. it looked for all the world like a cross between a nuclear submarine & the Star Ship Enterprise. Awesome. The other nice thing was Jude getting the fish of the day. here she is, bless her, straining like anything to hold up a 5 & a half pound snapper that she caught..

A day like today ???????? Priceless.... Totally & utterly priceless.....

RIP THE NOODLE POOCH

This was Misty. He started out 12 years ago as my Mum's first & only dog. As he was supposedly Bichon Friese, Poodle, Australian Terrier cross, he was going to be a cute cuddly lap dog for my Mum to spoil rotten in her old age. Sadly this didn't happen. He grew too big for her lap, & Mum eventually got that bad with senile dementia that she had to be institutionalised. So that left Misty to Herself & I. He really wasnt my sort of dog. He was too high maintanance for me. Always needing clipping, or brushing, or trips to the vet or something.

For all that, we grew to love him. We figured out ways round his habit of chewing himself red raw & trying to eat his paw. We even learned to tolerate his finicky ways with food. If he was sick of what you put in front of him, he wouldn't eat. Some times for up to 2 days, which was generally where I gave in & fed him. In the 12 years that we have known Misty, I cant recall him ever even growling at anyone, let alone try to bite them. he loved to play with Mac, of the long legs next door, contenting himself with one lap of the lawn to Mac's 4 & also enjoyed putting the neighbourhood pups, Woofy & Shadow in their respective places, trying to instill a little doggy dignity to them. I know he will be missed by Nushy the Whirly Dog & her family in Tauranga. Visits in either direction were greatly anticipated by them both.

I know I used to make fun of him by telling people that he was a Pedigree Idiot when they asked his breed. I know I used to get very frustrated with him when he wouldnt eat, or wouldnt stop chewing at himself, especially at 3 in the morning when I was having trouble sleeping, but for all that I did love him. I loved the way that he would come into the office & sit beside me & grunt, louder & louder until I gave in & put a hand down to scratch his ear. I loved the way that he would curl up on the floor as close as he could get to Herself when she went to bed not feeling well.

Sadly, yesterday as I was backing out of our driveway he walked in behind Sherman & went under one of the back wheels. We took him to the vet, but sadly because of his age & the absolute & utter mess I made of his pelvic , hip & leg bones. There was only one kind thing to do. I'm gonna miss you , you silly old bastard. Go chase some cats & enjoy fresh chicken at every meal.

Late night thoughts on computer games

We have been playing a lot of computer games lately, Herself & I. this is thanks to Morty , who has a seemingly inexhaustible supply of them. We dont go for the sophisticated fast action type games. Thats far to complex & demands better reflex times that a couple of old farts like us can manage. We are quite happy with point & click games. You know the ones. There is a common theme binding a series of scenes together. You get given a list of objects hidden in each scene with the odd brain teaser thrown in for good measure.

I have decided that life is a lot like these games, or they are like life, depending on how you view things & also depending on your grip of reality. You start out with a picture that looks fairly straight forward & along the way you get given a few clues. Well some of us get given more than others I guess, but still... It isn't really until you fully immerse yourself that you find that there is much, much more to the picture than meets the eye. Mostly if you look hard enough & long enough you can find what you thought was hidden. Sometimes, it is hidden & quite well too. Other times it is that blatantly obvious that you just dont see it. When it does finally present itself, the usual reaction is, "How the bloody hell did I miss that ?" Every once in a while, you have to ask for help. Sometimes, as the help is happening, the answer becomes obvious & you wonder at the wisdom of using the help. Always, at the end of each scene & at the end of the game, there is the satisfaction of getting there. Some games are harder than others, some appear simple, but are fiendishly difficult. Some look hard, but once you start, become easy. Most of them start out easy to get you thinking, "I can do this!" & get progressively harder & harder. A lot like life really.

Endoscopy number 5

have you ever had one of those revalatory moments when you realise that things have, yet again, gone that pear shaped that they wouldn't look out of place in a pear tree. I have just recently. I'm not sure exactly when it happened. Some time in the last two weeks I think. or maybe the last three, I dunno exactly any more. Jude has been having big problems with her flash new Passport feeding tube. Visits to the doctor & the A& E department at the local hospital, produced the initial diagnosis of infection, changed to fungal infection, then back to infection again. She was very swollen & tender around the stoma with a not very nice looking problem that we found out was called granulation. (Look it up) All this was not helped by our lovely neurology nurse being on leave.

It all came to a head on Monday morning. I took some photos & emailed them through. Tuesday morning saw us yet again at day patients with yet another length of garden hose down her throat. The problem was that the fitting had started to work its way out to the outside. She is now back to the good old mark 1 PEG tube. We are both starting to develop the attitude of "If it aint broke, dont fix it." The surgeon is talking about some flash new fitting for January , but.... We dunno...

Jude is a great one for planting vege's. Even when she could eat them, we always ended up with far too much in the garden. She has cut back a lot this year, but we still cant keep up. It gave me a lot of pleasure tonight to give away a beautiful cauliflower, some second growth broccolli & some rhubarb to a dear friend who is finding things a bit difficult at the moment. I must be going soft in the head I think, because I'm starting to find a simple pleasure in planting something & watching it grow. Got to do something constructive seeing as how fishings out at the moment...