My Back Pages

As you are probably aware by now, I turned 57 last weekend. Not a particularly significant milestone as far as birthdays go but still. If the Gummint hadn't moved the finish line, I would only be three years away from retirement. As it is , I'm still 8 away... (sigh) I don't actually feel old. I don't feel wise as I thought that I would. I still sort of feel like a little boy lost still . I have always felt the need of an older sibling that I can refer & defer to. Ok, I have my big sister, but she is mentally disadvantaged, and my Mum has totally lost the plot with senile dementia. I don't even go see her as much as I should these days because it fucking well hurts too much.

I don't think my life is a waste or a failure though. In my years, I have seen & done an awful lot of things, & my birthday has occasioned me to ponder on some of them. I think that there are some pretty cool things in there, & some sad ones too & I would like to share a few of them with you.

As a teenager, I played in a band, & later when I discovered folk music I used to play solo at a local coffee club. Music wise, I have been professionally recorded & played on our local radio station. OK, it was only a commercial promoting one end of town, but still... I also recorded the same bit of music for a TV programme about Thames, but it couldn't be included due to copyright problems. I have however been on TV in a different show though. I have also met & talked to Peter Paul & Mary.

I gave sixteen years of my life to the New Zealand Fire Service in various parts of the country. I have run a wheeled escape, (the ladder on the back of this Fire Engine) through the streets of Gisborne & set it up as part of the crew to actually use at a major fire.


I have also used this Godawful piece of kit at an actual fire. If you are sufficiently interested, check it out on Wikipedia here. They were originally designed as a mines rescue set. There are a lot of things I have done while in the Fire Service. Some of the things I have seen aren't particularly pretty & I prefer not to mention them. I'd much rather remember the good times & the practical jokes.. We used to put a lady's purse out front of City Station on a fishing line Friday nights, wait for someone to go pick it up, then yank the cord.. Kept us amused for hours that did.

I went down to help clean up after the earthquake at Edgecombe. That was scary & bloody hard work. I have held too many people while they died in shattered cars, but on the plus side, I have seen both my sons born, & heard their first breath & their first cry. That would have to be one of the most profound experiences of my life.

I have experienced a marriage of 14 years & two sons go down the tubes, & experienced the grief & pain that so many of my generation have. I have experienced the wonderment of finding someone new in my life at a time when I wasn't even looking, & knowing that this person, (herself) was without a doubt the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This holds true still after some 20 years together. Then there is the bitter sweet learning curve that comes from recycled familys. The person that can come up with a formula for successful step parenting is on a winning streak. Out of it all, I have ended up with two sons that I manage a razors edge sort of a relationship with, a wonderful stepdaughter & two stepsons, & two gloriously wonderful grand children, (So far) that we both just absolutely adore.

I know that I have a lot more life to enjoy, but I still find it a little bit scary when younger ones that I work with defer to me as "older" I don't feel so. My body tells me the other side though. It takes a lot longer in the mornings now for different parts of me to settle into place & accept that we are all vertical & on the move. I'm not too proud to ask for help to do things any more. A sore back for a few days sure strips a body of any pride that you may have.

Anyway, I don't care. I am happy with who & what I am, even if there has been the odd wobbly wheel in the system. I have friends, I have family, I have a roof over my head & good food in my tummy & most of all I have the love of a good woman. Take care out there OK ?