Physician heal thyself

Well our family physician has had a complete mental breakdown & his practice is closed indefinitely. I feel for him. His surgery has looked after my family for 3 generations. The bitch of it is that its a really crap time for it to happen. Now we have to find someone else to go to & explain all the shit that is presently happening in our lives. Did I mention that my Mum has a particularly malignant cancer on her foot that has possibly spread throughout her entire body ? No, I guess that one slipped by me a bit. Its a selfish attitude I know, but we are waiting on some very critical blood tests to come through. Herself, among a zillion other things today contacted the Medical Center & got them to inquire on our behalf regarding the results. They have all come back normal except for the one that was sent to Canterbury. I think that is probably the one that will tell us if Herself's condition is treatable or not.

I saw an old work colleague in the street today. When Herself was first diagnosed, him & his wife made a big deal about wanting to be there & to be involved, inviting themselves round for a cuppa & a chat. We stayed home that afternoon specially. They didn't turn up. We did get a phone call 2 days later ; "Sorry, we forgot." Haven't heard from them since either. He bounced up to me all smiles & says,"Gidday mate, hows Jude?" I nearly said, "She's fucking dying. How do you think she fucking well is?" but reason prevailed & I behaved myself.

I did something new today. I took a load up to a place called Whenuakite on the crane truck. I've never operated the crane truck before. I have operated Fire Service aerial appliances & done a course at the waterside training facility in Auckland, but that was all a very long time ago. I did alright too, sliding 2 pallets of floor tiles in through a door with literally only an inch of height to spare. I felt really great, right up to the point where I came home & found out about my Mum.

Herself is off to Auckland tomorrow to take the grand kids to the movies. That will be really nice for her. I've told her that she is not to come home on the same day though. It would be way too tiring. So an overnight stay it is. That will be great for her. The shit of it is, that I don't actually want her to go. Entirely selfish reasons ; I feel very old, tired & worn out at the moment & don't really fancy the thought of spending a night with only my own company. I haven't told my boys about their Nana yet . I don't have the heart to. Especially my youngest son. He has just found out that his wife is pregnant. I don't really want to drop crap like that on his head at the moment. I don't really ever want to drop that sort of stuff on either of them, but I guess if I don't tell them, nobody else will.

Life looks fairly bleak at the moment. It seems like every time we have something nice happen, like Herself's birthday, something even heavier drops on us. Right at this point in time I have just about had enough. I'm not really sure how to cope with this all. Maybe the bloodtests will come back with something positive, but I'm not counting on it.