Where wild things grow

I went there yesterday. It was scary. Herself went to stay with her daughter, which was absolutely great for her. She had a great time. I didn't. It was as well that she went though, because things got pretty scary for me, & I don't think that it would have been a good thing for Herself to witness.

Once again my old mate Hawkeye came up trumps. You see, he's met the wild things. His wife died of a fairly obscure crap take no prisoners, give no remittance sort of disease. It cut him that deeply that he couldn't stay & watch her die. You know when you are talking to someone that has been down that track that you aren't going to be served any helpings of hearts & flowers or optimism. Its cut him that deeply that it has destroyed any faith in any sort of God that he has ever had. Still, a healthy dose of hard arse realism served up by someone that has been there done that is definitely better than anything else on the menu.

A long long time ago, in another galaxy, when my first marriage was spiralling rapidly down the toilet, my then wife pressed me into going to a councellor. I grudgingly agreed, if only as a means to try & keep my marriage together. Councelling isn't easy for me, as I am normally a private sort of person who doesn't easily share his innermost feelings. So I sat across the table from this kid about half my age who blandly assured me, "I know what you're going through." needless to say, it was a case of "Exit stage left." I'm happy for anyone who has done the yards to sharetheir knocks & how they dealt with them, but "I know what you're going through ?" No thankyou.

Anyway, I survived. Some heavy support from my two dear sons helped a lot when I was slipping a bit. It's not easy telling your sons that their Nana , whom they absolutely worship, is probably riddled with cancer. The only consolation for me, is that at least with her mind gone the way it is, that she is spared the horror of knowing what is wrong with her. I have no idea really how Herself is reconciling things within her head. It's not really something that we have talked about at any great length. I think we are mutually holding our breath till we find out the results of this latest blood test.

She was supposed to go to an MND support group meeting & lunch in Paeroa yesterday. She went to Auckland & took her grandchildren to the movies instead. I think that was a good choice.