Once more unto the breach dear friends

Well, it's Monday night. That means tomorrow is Tuesday. That means gentle reader that herself has her next appointment with our new nice young American doctor at Te Korowhai. I like going to Te Korowhai, There's a sense of coming home, even though its herself that has the Maori blood not me. They are all nice people & the place is very family oriented. I like that. What it means is that hopefully, the results of the tests he ordered up last Thursday will be through; hopefully, the long awaited results of the tests sent overseas will be there as well; hopefully too, we will at least have some form of closure as to what is actually wrong with herself. You never know, we may even see the odd flying pig outside the surgery as well. god this waiting is tough on both of us.

I talked to you earlier about the hammering my faith has taken over the past few weeks haven't I? Yes of course you have you fool, get on with it. Well, Herself came home from the hairdressers the other day, nothing strange in that, she usually does, but she had an interesting story to tell. You see, the hairdresser is part of the "spiritual" community & is actually a very lovely lady. But sometimes, she suffers from a lack of putting brain into gear before engaging the mouth. She came out with this little gem the other day, "Oooohhhh.... Spirit must really want you back to do all this to you.." What a load of absolute crap. While I consider it to be the biggest load of irresponsible crap that I have ever heard, and had no hesitation in sharing this opinion in very gentle form with herself, it did have one very big & beneficial effect on me. It had the effect of galvanising my thoughts back into action. It made me realise with a jolt that I still do actually believe in self determination. For that, in absentia, I thank her. For putting rubbish like that into Herself's head, I could cheerfully rip her arm off & beat her to death with the soggy bit.

Anyway, enough of that, as the actress said to the Bishop, back to the main event. I'm not sure how I feel about tomorrow. Part of me aches for closure & at least the knowledge of what it is that the two of us have to stand shoulder to shoulder & contend with. All of me is terrified that it may be the worst of the 3 case scenario's that we have been presented with so far. All of me remembers the agony that we both endured when we were told that her condition was terminal. I for one have no wish to endure that again as, I would hazard a guess, neither would Herself. Being the confounded optimist that I am, it's very easy to take hold of one or the other soft options & run with it. Its not a thing I should do & I know that I'm probably setting myself up for a fall of monumental proportions, but still I do it. I guess I'm a bit like the optimist that fell off the top of the Empire State Building. Apparently, somewhere about halfway down, he was reputed to have said, "Well, so far, so good." So far, its been a helluva fall, with some very strong updraughts. I'm not sure what's at the bottom & I'm not sure that I really want to know what it is, but I do hope that the landing is a soft one. We could sure use a little clemency in the fates department at the moment.