Well, its official

Following a phone call yesterday, Herself had to present herself for a scan at the hospital, midday. I guess its a measure of the urgency that they regard her treatment with that they have done that. We also received in the mail today an appointment for Wednesday, which we were told to ignore, so we have. I went in with her, & the lovely young lass that was doing the scan was kind enough to give us a running commentary that included showing us the half dozen or so tiny wee bright sparks on the screen that represented gallstones. She also pointed out that the wall of the gallbladder & one duct were quite badly inflamed. The duct might mean the passing of one of these stones which would explain the pain Wednesday.

Like me, I bet you thought that gallstones could be nuked with ultra sound to dissolve them. Not so. Apparently, this only applies to kidney stones, so its keyhole surgery & out with the old gall bladder for her. I guess it also means that her already restricted diet is about to be restricted even further. The only consolation with this whole sorry mess is that at least this problem is treatable.

On the happy side, a young friend of ours has arranged a lovely treat for Herself next weekend. I shall leave it as a surprise for you, but suffice it to say, Herself is agog with anticipation, as I guess you are now as well, but you will just have to wait as she has to. The weather here has turned decidedly pear shaped & custard flavoured, but at least its good for the ski field. An inside weekend with forays to my Viking game on Facebook is predicted. Have fun....

Go ahead, you may as well, everyone else has...

We started out having a really good day. Our local Bendon Factory Shop is having a big sale at the moment, so I took Herself out.You see, she needed a wee boost to her feminity, so some new bra's & knickers fit the bill nicely. From there we came into town, cruised a few more shops met a few more people & generally had a nice time. We had to be home by about 11.30 though, as the nice lady from Talk Link was coming to see us. Herself & I decided to give her back the loan talk link machine so that someone else could get the benefit from it. She feels more at home at the moment using her magna doodle. What makes it even easier still is that her brother brought back from the States a handbag sized version. Much better for taking into shops etc. I actually managed to get the lawns mown in the meantime.

We had a nice lunch & snuggled up for a nap. I snoozed my usual 30 minutes or so & was online when a friend came round. The Noodle Poodle barking woke Herself up, so we sat & had a coffee & a chat together. Then things turned pear shaped & custard flavoured. Hersel asked our friend if she would check her new bra for her, as she had a sore stomach. We both pricked our ears up at this;the bra fitted fine. It turned out that herself was suffering from a sore stomach & biliousness since lunch time, but didn't see fit to tell anybody, ie, me. As it was getting progressively worse I managed to get an appointment at the Doctors. They are very good. They know we don't go to see them for frivolous reasons. From there it was to the Emergency Department at the Hospital. Many tests & much pain relief later, the general consensus was reached that she probably has a gallstone now to add to her ailments. They couldn't find it though, so she has to go for a scan now.

You have to sometimes wonder at the fairness of fate. How much more is she supposed to put up with in this life. I don't consider it to be particularly fair, but then again I'm biased. I love her.

Its all my fault

This early unseasonable cold weather i mean. All I want to do is mow the lawns. And its not like there's acres of them or any thing.It's just that I'm not all that fussed about using an electric mower in the rain. Even with an isolating transformer. Every time I even think about dragging the damn thing out, down it comes. Doesn't matter. I have plenty of time now. Its just that Herself likes the lawns neat & tidy & she wants them neat & tidy NOW.

Today is a redletter day for us. We sign the last bits of paper that guarantee our lifestyle. Then, I think, this whole thing of me not working & Herself's mortality will actually sink in. I would like to say that I am getting used to a relaxed life style, but so far it hasn't happened. As you know, I have been helping a friend shift house last week & , God help me, another of Herself's friends is shifting Wednesday, fortunately this time with a professional shifter. In spite of that, I have offered help with trailor loads of pot plants etc. Yeah, I know, a sucker for punishment.

We are heading for Herself's third acupuncture treatment on Tuesday. I am hoping that this one will bring a measure of relief from the arthritis that plagues her so. It has already slowed down the incidence of cramp in her neck, which is good. Other than that, we need to go to the library & sort out getting some work done on Sherman to get him absolutely tip top to come & see all you good people. I'm not even going to mention that he needs a bath......

Brass monkey time again.

There is a certain satisfaction gained from sitting out in the spa pool at this time of year. We just mostly sit in companionable silence, watching the steam coil & twist as it rises & admiring the crystal clear sky that shows the stars up with amazing clarity. The only sounds that disturb the tranquillity is the neighbor calling his dog in & the crunch of teeth on bone as our silly old pooch contentedly gnaws his bone at our side. He loves to save his bone till we are in the spa before he settles for a good old gnaw. Possibly it has a lot to do with the fact that he knows that bones are forbidden beyond the back porch. He is fairly protective & I suppose thats his idea of a compromise between his self imposed guard duties & enjoying being a dog. It could all hinge on the fact that Mum used to get quite agitated if he was more than 6 feet away from her. Anyway, we finished our spa & came inside to sit in front of the fire & he , as usual, stayed out to finish his gnaw. It must have been a touch too cold for him out there though, because after about 5 minutes, he came marching in carrying his bone rather like one of those old Meerschaum pipes that you see in Victorian photos.

I watched him in disbelief. He's never done anything like that before so I watched him to see what he would do. He marched on over to his basket, curled up in it & carried on gnawing. "Fair enough," I thought & left him to it. All was fine till he climbed out & headed to his favourite corner on the carpet. "Oi!" says I. "basket or outside." He shot me a very reproachful look & carefully marched off out. I have no doubt that I will find the bone on the hall mat later. Thats his canine concept of a compromise I think.

Its been quite a long week. A dear friend is shifting house & her kids show a marked reluctance to help her. Now that we have finished, I think I understand why. Damn, she has a lot of stuff & most of it is her kids. But we have finished now, so its time for us to sit & take stock of our new lifestyle.

I took Herself to an acupuncturist on Monday. I'm taking her again tomorrow for her arthritis. I must be honest & say that it doesn't appear to have given her the relief that I hoped it would, but we will wait & see tomorrow I think. Meanwhile , I have been trying to take some of the load. Our home help has been a spectacular failure, with the girl concerned only giving us half the time that she was supposed to. We have changed agencies & now have someone coming in that we know. We also know she is a bloody hard worker, who will give us & the agency bloody good value for money.

Meanwhile, during the time that Herself was out walking I raced round, made the bed, did the dishes & put the washing on. Shame I didnt see the washcloth in the tub though. Herself came home just in time to be greeted by water flowing through to the garage. We have a very clean laundry floor now. Such, I guess, are the vicissitudes of being a House Husband. I'm learning though....

And here she is....

Our lovely grand daughter with her equally lovely Mum. Aint they both gorgeous ?

Welcome to our world

Connaire Amara Fitzgerald-Leslie at 2.45 pm today weighing in at a healthy 6lb 4 oz. At home in Dunedin New Zealand to two of the most loving parents & two of the proudest & most loving grand parents that God could give you. A bonny bouncing healthy baby girl. raise a glass with me & drink her health . Welcome to the world little one. May you make a better job of caring for it than our generation has.... YAAAAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Another grandchild to spoil rotten

The needle & the Damage done

Herself didn't walk this morning. Her back was too sore. The colder damper weather seems to be knocking her round badly this year. Worse than it ever has been in fact. There isn't much can be done for her MND, but we are doing something about the arthritis. I took her to an acupuncturist this morning. So far, there isn't a lot of change, but she needs to go again on Friday, so we will see how it goes.

My youngest son rang me at 6.30 or so this morning to tell me that his wife has finally had her waters break. By 10ish, she was 1 cm dilated. I think its going to be a long day for them both. Will keep you posted on that score. Meanwhile, we are still helping our friend shift. God, she's got a lot of stuff.

At this point , I'm wondering where I actually found time to work. God I'm tired.

Monday Monday

Monday is a very significant day for herself & I. For one thing, its our 18th wedding anniversary. According to the modern list, that's supposed to entitle us to all sorts of groovy presents made of porcelain, but I'm not holding my breath. Our relationship certainly hasn't been dull. Right from the day that she invited me home for tea, & I never left. We have actually been together for over 20 years now. It just took me a little while to amass the spare cash to get a divorce done. When the judge announced a decree absolute, I went straight down to the shop where she was working & got down on one knee & proposed. Right in front of a customer. She said 'Yes" of course & the rest is history. Very interesting history it is too. I may tell you about it one day.

The next significant thing about Monday is that my youngest son's wife is due to give birth to our 4th grand child. He is hoping she will hold on till the 21st of May, which is my Dad's birthday. Both my boys loved their "Poppy." One of my most fervent wishes is that I can fill his rather large boots for my grandchildren. We don't know yet what is on the way, & really I don't suppose it matters, so long as its fit & healthy. I know it will be happy, because its going to have the most loving parents imaginable. We intend to get down there sometime later in the year to see them all.

Monday is, I guess, really the start of my new life as a ,"Gentleman of H'independent means." For the first time in my adult life, I will not be gainfully employed, nor will i be seeking gainful employment. You all know why. I may tell you as well, that its not without a certain measure of trepidation that I approach the coming years. Although Herself's symptoms have been gradual in their onset, they are, unfortunately, inevitable & one of the hardest things that I find myself doing is continually telling people,"No, there is no treatment, no, there is no cure & no there is no remission."

The last thing is that Herself's brother & his Lady are coming down to visit on Monday. Visits from the two of them are always nice. They have both really come to the fore since Herself has been ill, showing all the compassion & support that it's possible to show.

So hopefully, the day will produce some great memories for us both. meanwhile, I look around & see so much to do. If the weather holds I may get out tomorrow & mow some grass. I spent today helping a friend to shift house. Damn, but that girls got a lot of stuff.

The Last Waltz

Well, its all over or it's just starting, depends on your outlook I guess. To quote the venerable Arkwright, it was a ,"fu fu fu fu funny old day." Bitter sweet I guess is a good description. The last two weeks have been good in the respect that I have been able to catch up with all the people that matter. has been the odd tear or two today. Also, a lot of very nice things said, promises to keep in touch etc.,

This has been the finale in my second major vocation in life, the first being the Fire Service. The third & most important phase of my life has aready started. That of caring for Herself. I think its going to be the most important thing that I will ever do with myself. I'm under no illusions that its going to be an easy call, but thats Ok, I have a great support system & I am confident that together we will see it through.

So anyway, after a few beers with the boys at work, Herself & I went out for tea. was a nice end to the day....

Speechless in Seattle. (Well, Thames anyway)

We are currently helping a dear friend to shift house. Quite aside from anything else, the analogy of a booze up in the brewery springs to mind, but thats not what I want to tell you about. While we were loading out interminable boxes of junk from her garage, she says,"Hey, look at this," & opens a grotty old suitcase. She started hauling some incredibly tatty & badly scratched old Elvis LP's. Thats cool, that didn't bother me. What rendered me speechless was at the bottom of the box. Would you believe one of the original Beatles White albums. The one with the embossed title & the serial number on the jacket. With trembling paw I drew forth the vinyl. They were in pristine condition apart from looking like it had been cleaned with 80 grit sandpaper. Well, it was a nice dream while it lasted I suppose. She couldnt understand why I swore profusely at her.......

On Mothers Day.

Firstly, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to anyone who has found their way here via the MND Newsletter & thank you Heather for listing it. Please come in , sit down , take the weight off, pour yourself a hot or a cold one & make yourself at home. Feel free to make your self known via the comments option.

I had planned to take herself to Albany today on a day trip so that she could celebrate Mothers Day & her eldest son's birthday all in one. Sadly, I had a recurrence of a rather nasty stress symptom that i thought I had seen the last of. It really left me with no option but to cancel out, because God I'm tired. Fortunately, Herself's daughter stepped up to the plate & offered to come down collect her & take her up for an overnighter. In retrospect, that was a very good idea.

I have had a totally selfish day. I curled up & had a snooze for an hour or two after they left. Then I watched the 1st DVD of 3 in The Ice Road Truckers set. Then I had a nap just for a change. There's nothing on TV till 7.00, so here I am on here & listening to the first of 3 discs in the Dylan Bootleg series. Good classic vintage stuff from his early years.

When I was granted 12 respite days a year, I didn't think for one minute that I would need them, but I must admit that a little time out where I'm not straining to understand what Herself is saying, or worrying about her choking is an absolute blessing. I will be very glad when the coming week is over & done with & I can concentrate on caring for her full time. I love her dearly & its very difficult to walk out the door every morning to go to work. She really is finding winter hard, more because of the arthritis than her MND. I have located an acupuncturist in Thames that has been trained in Beijing, so I am hoping that he can offer her some pain relief. Until then, its warm open fires, hot spas with plenty of epsom salts in & an excellent liniment that I found for her at our local health shop. Its that good that poor old Tiggerpuss can't tolerate being under the blankets after I have used it on Herself's back.

Well, thats about it. I will leave you with the lyrics to a Dylan song that I find especially meaningful at the moment. It's called, "Let Me Die in my Footsteps."



I will not go down under the ground
"Cause somebody tells me that death's comin' 'round
An' I will not carry myself down to die
When I go to my grave my head will be high,
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

There's been rumors of war and wars that have been
The meaning of the life has been lost in the wind
And some people thinkin' that the end is close by
"Stead of learnin' to live they are learning to die.
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

I don't know if I'm smart but I think I can see
When someone is pullin' the wool over me
And if this war comes and death's all around
Let me die on this land 'fore I die underground.
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

There's always been people that have to cause fear
They've been talking of the war now for many long years
I have read all their statements and I've not said a word
But now Lawd God, let my poor voice be heard.
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

If I had rubies and riches and crowns
I'd buy the whole world and change things around
I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea
For they are mistakes of a past history.
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

Let me drink from the waters where the mountain streams flood
Let me smell of wildflowers flow free through my blood
Let me sleep in your meadows with the green grassy leaves
Let me walk down the highway with my brother in peace.
Let me die in my footsteps
Before I go down under the ground.

Go out in your country where the land meets the sun
See the craters and the canyons where the waterfalls run
Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Idaho
Let every state in this union seep in your souls.
And you'll die in your footsteps
Before you go down under the ground.

Such sweet sorrow

On the 11th of May, I will have been bumping around the countryside in old trucks for thirteen years. On the 15th of May, I will be hanging up my steelcap boots for the last time & turning in my trusty old hi vis vest. Yep, the old Flatster has finally taken the plunge & resigned. This will enable me to stay home & spend time with & care for Herself. The last 13 years have been quite a ride. Its worked out well though.

Essentially, I am doing the same run that I started on all those years ago. the guy thats doing it now is having 2 weeks holiday. I therefore have the opportunity to bid farewell to good people that I have known for a substantial portion of that time. Its not an easy thing to do either. A lot of them have become genuine friends over the years. I think if I miss one thing, it will be frantically searching for a new yarn or joke to tell around the depots as I go. You see, my personal policy has long been to leave people with a smile & feeling a little happier than before. So much so, that I can roll into somewhere & someone will immediately look up & say, "So what's the joke for today ?" It's a nice feeling to be remembered, even after a couple of years as is often the case in this industry. Folk tend to move around in it regularly, but the same old faces tend to keep cropping up when you least expect it.

So its hard saying goodbye to them all. Some are managing directors, who will keep a client waiting while we have a 10 minute yarn in their office. Others are the roughest of diamond that you could wish not to meet, but they all have one thing in common. If they like you, they will go out of their way to help you & they all genuinely care . This is what I am doing then. Seeking out these friends that I have made & telling them that Herself has limited time, & that we are going to spend it together. They all love her too. Although she is very much a lady & always will be, they have seen her over the years being not afraid to get her hands dirty & pitch in & help me when the going got tough. They have also seen someone who is down to earth enough to speak to them & take the time to get to know them.

They are all genuinely upset to learn of her situation. As much for herself as for me. This is wonderful to know, but still, as the great bard said, "parting is such sweet sorrow."

On the barter system

One of the good things about not working is that I now have all sorts of time to do stuff. all sorts of cool stuff. Like collecting mushrooms with a mate. L0ts of mushrooms. 4 buckets full on our last trip to be exact. Quite aside from gorging ourselves on them, ( I do love bacon & mushrooms) We both swap them for other stuff. Pete has a shop & he swaps them for his morning cups of coffee. So far, I have managed a couple of drinks, a pumpkin & a couple of slices of a particularly nice chocolate slice. Todays rain will hopefully bring on a fresh crop. Monday will tell. I'm now casting a speculative eye on a surfeit of silverbeet, parsley & basil in the garden. its all stuff you have to keep picking else it goes to seed. We got more of all 3 than Herself & I can possibly use.